first take - travis scott ft bryson tiller
harlem's perspective.
Tears stream down my face as the nurse hands me my baby girl. She's so beautiful and after hours of labor, she's finally here. I can't believe I'm actually a mom now. In this moment, it's only her and I. I don't care for anyone else in the room. I'm just happy that hat she's here.
"Dad, would you like to cut the umbilical cord?" The doctor asks Christian. Christian shoots a nervous look at me but I give him a reassuring nod.
"Go ahead." I tell him.
"Okay, yeah." Christian responds to the doctor. They show Christian how to cut the cord and he does it, which makes the doctor and all of the nurses inside of the room clap for him.
Then, they take Harmony out of my arms to bathe her and get her dressed, allowing me to get some rest. But, I can't rest. All I can think about is my baby and how crazy this journey has been.
The doctor checks to make sure I didn't rip, which, surprisingly, I didn't, and he cleans me up since I can't do that at the moment. The epidural is still numbing me, so I can't even get up to pee if I had to.
"Do you want to fill out the birth certificate?" A woman nurse asks me. I nod and she brings over the birth certificate and a pen for me to fill it out. I put her name, Harmony Alexis Knights, on the line and then put both my name and Christian's name down for the parents. I look everything over once more to make sure I didn't misspell anything, then hand it back to the nurse.
They do everything that they need to do with Harmony and she falls fast asleep. My sweet baby looks so happy and adorable as she stirs in her sleep. I'm obsessed.
"How you feeling?" Christian asks me, coming to my bed side. He grabs my hand and gives me a little bit of a squeeze, just to let me know that he's here for me.
"Exhausted. Hungry. Thirsty. But my emotions are all over the place. I'm so happy that our baby is finally here, but I'm also super out of it because it's so surreal." I say.
"Yeah I get it. I'm so happy she's here. I feel complete. I don't even care if I ever have any more kids, I got my son and I got my daughter so I'm whole now."
"Would you like to have a few visitors? You have some waiting in the waiting room." A nurse alerts me. "You can only have 2 at a time."
"Yeah. You can send all of them in, 2 at a time." I respond.
She nods, letting me know she understands, and then goes out to get the visitors. I can't wait for everyone to see the baby.
First, Tiana's mom comes in on her own. When the guests come in, they have to wash from their fingertips up to their elbows before they can hold the baby. She holds Harmony, takes a few pictures, checks on me and then leaves.
Next, Tiana and Josiah comes in. They do the same as Tiana's mom, except Tiana sneaks me a few snacks to have for later, and then they leave out. The only person that's left is the one that I dread the most, which is Kyree.
As soon as he comes into the room, the tension between him and Christian becomes clear. And all I can do is sit back and watch everything unfold. I still do love Kyree and every time I see him I'm reminded of that. But, still, I don't want to be with him. Our schedules just don't work out and I'm not sure if they ever will. I'd rather stay single than be hurt because I can never see or talk to my man.
On the other hand, though, I am starting to have feelings for Christian again. The more time I spend with him and see how mature he's gotten, the more I want to be with him. I don't want to spark things back up though because I'm too scared it'll end up like before. I've gotten better, though. I'm not afraid of love or being in a relationship because I know I'm strong and I can bounce back from anything. I'm a completely different person than I was at the beginning of this year.
Christian sits in one of the chairs off to the side as Kyree and I interact. "Sorry if I look crazy. I didn't have time to freshen up for you." I joke to Kyree, causing him to laugh. I could see some of the tension and weight lifted from his shoulders.
"How are you?" He asks me. "She's adorable, by the way."
"Thank you. And I'm okay. Once I get some sleep, some water and some food I'll be fine. How are you? What you been up to?" I ask him.
"Just practicing, spending time with family. My mom asked about you."
"Tell her that I miss her and I'll come visit once Harmony is a few weeks old so she can see her."
The room is silent and a little awkward, and Christian takes the hint. He gets up and leaves, leaving Kyree and I alone.
"Harlem, why didn't you tell me months ago that you'd rather be with him?"
"Who told you that we were together?" I ask him.
"Nobody."
"We're not together, Kyree. Him and I are not together and me and you are not together. I'm doing me for right now and figuring shit out. Him and I just spend a lot of time together and we're rebuilding our friendship. We do have a child together after all." I explain.
"But I wanted to be there for you. I love you Harlem and the more time we spend apart changes nothing. All I can think about is you. You and Harmony wouldn't even have to worry about anything. You could stay at home with her and I'll take care of you. I'm gonna make it to the league."
"That's not a guarantee. And it's not the life I want. I want my own career and to work for my own money. I like being independent. And what I want out of a relationship you just can't give me right now. But I love you too, Kyree."
He seems sad but pulls himself together. "I mean, you don't even call me like that anymore. You barely talk to me, when I try and call you when I have time, you never answer. It's like you don't even want to be friends. My mom asking about you and everything. You really don't gotta do me like that." He says.
"I'm sorry, Kyree. But can we have this conversation another time? I'm exhausted."
He shakes his head and walks towards the door to leave out. "I love you Harlem." He says before walking out of the room. Something in me tells me that's the last time I'll ever see or speak to him again.
Christian comes back in a few seconds later, as if he was waiting right outside the door for us to be done talking. He comes sit on the side of the bed, rubbing me. "You okay?"
"I'm fine." I respond for about the hundredth time today. I turn onto my side so I can watch Harmony sleep as I drift off to sleep for the day.
