Christmas when you were mine

chapter 8: Winter dreams

I wish I could say I slept better last night but that just wasn't the case. I tossed and turned all night. Jude's words still rung in my ears. How could he say stuff like that and expect me not to take it the wrong way? Not to mention act like nothing happened at all. It was just way to confusing.

I sat crossed legged on my bed as I looked at the photo of Jude and I from this year. We were both smiling standing next to Santa. My eyes lingered on Jude's face. My heart felt heavy and lost. This was supposed to be a special time of year yet it was feeling all muddy and sad.

By the time six o'clock rolled around I couldn't bare to sit in my room anymore. I made my way downstairs. The house was silent as I made my way to the Kitchen. I knew my parents would be up soon so I figured I would start their day off with breakfast.

By the time my parents cane down stairs I had made a spread of bacon, eggs, sausage, hash browns and toast. I placed a fresh cup of coffee in front of each of them with a warm smile.

"Why are you up so early?" My father asked softly.

"Couldn't sleep," I admitted.

"Want to talk about it?" He asked taking a piece of bacon from his plate.

"Nah, its nothing," I assured him. He just nodded and dropped the subject. That's one thing I was thankful for. My parents were good parents they knew when something was up but they didn't try to force it out of me. Deep down I knew that they knew I would tell them when the time was right.

After a blissfully quiet breakfast I decided to go down to the lake to skate. Jude and I used to go skating a lot when we were younger but I decided not to ask of he wanted to come along. I guess my mind figured he and I needed some space.

The view down by the lake was breathtaking. The glittery fresh snow seemed to go on for miles. It sparkled as the sun bounced off of it making everything seem magical. I remember feeling awe struck when I had first seen the lake in winter. I now understood why.

I watched a few people skate around before deciding to strap on my own skates.

The rink wasn't huge that was for sure. It had a rustic country feel to it. For some reason it reminded me of home. It also reminded me of so many winter dreams I had, had while growing up.

It was a quiet place that seemed untouched by the vast majority of the population. It's where I used to go to think. However thinking was the last thing I needed to to since I've been over thinking everything lately.

"Hey stranger," a voice breathed from behind me making me jump slightly. It was a voice I knew like the back of my hand. A voice I could never forget no matter how hard I tried. Why did he have to show up here?

"Hi Jude," I answered sourly as I turned around to face him.

He was wearing a grey puffy coat and a red toque. His blond hair was attempting very hard to escape from underneath the hat. His brown eyes sparkled with a slight mischief.

"How come you didn't ask me to come skating with you?" He asked a hint of sadness clinging to his normally happy tone.

"I could ask you the same thing," I smiled innocently.

"Maybe I stopped by your house to find you already gone," he added making me feel slightly guilty. I should have extended him an invite. It's not like I had that many friends here anymore.

"I'm sorry Jude," I breathed softly. "I should have asked you if you wanted to come," I admitted. Space or not I really didn't want to loose him as a friend.

"That's okay you can make it up to me," he winked before starting to skate away.

"What? How?" I asked as I followed after him.

"Hot cocoa is on you," he laughed. I rolled my eyes at him as we continued to skate around side by side.

About an hour after Jude showed up at the lake we decided to head in for something warm to drink. We found ourselves sitting in a little coffee shop a few doors down from his families bakery. It was like most places in this town family owned. On the far left wall was a large fire place with a few chairs placed in front of it. The whole store had a homey feeling. We made our way to a small table off in the corner near a small window. I traced tiny hearts on the foggy glass absent mindedly.

"What's gotten into you?" Jude's voice asked snapping me out of my winters day dream. My cheeks grew red when I realized he was watching what I was doing,

"Nothing," I smiled nervously. "Just happy to be home," I lied praying he would buy that lame excuse.

"You met someone," he smiled.

"What? No," I answered quickly. "Why would you think that?"

"You always get like this when there is a new guy in the picture," he breathed matter of factly before taking a sip of his drink.

"What? No I don't," I argued. "Besides you are wrong there is nobody," I added looking down at my hands. I knew he could see right through me. Truth was I was scared to face what I was feeling. Something in me wanted to bury it deep.

"I know you better than you think," Jude stated softly.

"I know," I admitted looking at him through my eyelashes.