Episode 20: The Flashback

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"Hey, Juda?"

"Yeah?"

"I need to talk to you about something."

"Yeah, I bet you do. You and Baek Gyeong, huh?"

"What?"

"I mean, I know my character is against it. But I'm not exactly, per say. Yeo Juda is the badass roommate of the sweet, pathetic girl, who pretends she doesn't care about the pathetic girl, but she does. She does care about her... yeah... that's me. I mean—I guess, to an extent, my character isn't all that different from myself."

"...Juda."

"What?"

"I mean, I'm just—wow. I'm shocked."

"Why?"

"Because you basically admitted that we're friends."

"Pffft. That's not what I said."

"Yeah, that is what you said!"

"What did you want to talk to me about, anyway? I interrupted you. I was really getting into character there."

"I mean... I don't know what else to do, so, I wanted to tell you I've been having dreams."

"Dreams?"

"Yes."

"Oh..... well, took you long enough."

"How long for you, until you started having them?"

"The really vivid ones? Only a few days."

"G*ddammit. I think the writer must favour you."

"I was the last female protagonist, you know... what do you dream about?"

Pause.

"Everything. People. Faces. Movements.... feelings. I feel pain, sometimes. And sometimes I see blood... I-I never know what it comes from, or, where it comes from. Or who. I keep hearing people call my name. I see everybody from this world, but in a completely different light. We-we wear high school uniforms, and everybody's hairstyles and personalities are totally different."

"That's because it's another story."

"I know that. It's just.... it's strange. Having it confirmed... like that. Like, so vividly—that's a good word for it, by the way."

"You see Baek Gyeong there?"

"What? Oh. Yes. Gyeong... sometimes."

"Who else?"

"Saemi—Shin Saemi. I feel like we were friends in the last book. Dohwa too."

"Lee Dohwa?"

"Yeah. My best friend. You've seen him, right? He has black hair and a really stupid smile—"

"I know who he is."

"Right, right. Also, Oh Namju. I've seen him. He seemed pretty prominent in the last book too... and, uhh..."

"Anyone else?"

Silence.

"Dano."

"Huh? What?"

"What's wrong? You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay! Yeah! I'm fine. I'm just... no. No one else."

"So. How are you feeling? About all this. I know, it's probably really frustrating and confusing, right? Just snippets of events, fragments of memories. Nothing is clear, or whole, so it really gets on your nerves at first. You'll just have to wait."

"Wait?"

"Mm..."

"For what?"

"For the great big flashback."

"There's a great big flashback?"

"Yes... it's a trigger. Either something someone says or does, or something in general, or someone. Whatever it is, it'll have to be so powerful that it triggers your oldest desires and brings back all your memories— whole. It's overwhelming, to be honest, and annoying."

"It sounds scary."

"It kind of is."

"What if I don't want to remember everything?"

"Why wouldn't you want to remember everything? That's just the fear of unknown stuff taking. You'll definitely feel better knowing... why would you say that, anyway?"

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