Episode 15: Dohwa

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Juda lies flat on her back, on her bed. A lime-sour lollipop is wedged in her cheek. It's the same lollipop she's been sucking since she found her ego. In the tuck shop around the dorm building corner, they only sell lime-flavoured lollipops. At first she was opposed to the strange taste. But, now... it's growing on her. She likes that it's sour.

Forgotten Winter lies at her feet, next to her pillow. She reaches out and grabs it.

She's only been flipping through for a short while when there's a sudden knock on her door.

"Dano, why're you knocking?" She yells, eyes never leaving the comic book. "Unless this is a stage I don't know about."

The door cracks open.

Juda realises a moment too late that it's not Dano. Her senses prick when she catches sight of a familiar head of black hair through the corner of her eye. Her eyes dart to the side. She scrambles onto her front, staring wide-eyed at the open door.

"O-Oh..."

"Hi. Um," Dohwa gasps a laugh, glancing shyly down, and then back at her. His eyes gleam in a genuine grin. "Sorry... I guess Dano's not here then."

"No. She's not."

"Right," Dohwa nods. He scratches the back of his head, ruffling his hair. He blinks bright, clueless eyes around the room, before turning curtly back to Juda. "Well, you don't mind if I wait inside, right?"

Juda's breath catches, "Actually, I—"

"Oh, don't worry! I'll just be here," he grins, sliding himself inside and shutting the door behind him. The sound resonates. He turns and manoeuvres over to Dano's bed, cocking his head curiously. His hands are snug in his pockets. He gasps a laugh, like he's just acquainting himself with a new place. His eyes roam the walls. "I'll just... be here." He plops down onto the Dano's bed and looks up at Juda, a boyish smile blooming across his lips, "I'll stay on Dano's side, mess it up. I promise, you won't even know I'm here. Just keep doing your thing! I'll be quiet, I swear it."

His eyes light up with playful, passionate warmth—a familiar, airy lightheartedness that sucks Juda in like she's being drawn to her orbit.

She can't breathe.

She hasn't moved once since he opened that crack in the door and poked his head in. Stiffly, Juda turns away, but she's already started to feel queasy. She brushes away the messy strands of her hair, fighting a rollercoaster of emotions.

"No, that's not—that's not the issue, Dohwa." Doesn't it feel strange saying his name? She continues, loudly and boldly. "I just don't like having strangers in the room. So, please. If you would.... please leave."

Dohwa stares at her blankly for a moment, teasingly. "Strangers?" He lets on a kind smile. "But we're not strangers. We're acquaintances."

"That's basically the same thing," Juda replies quietly.

"No, it's not. Strangers have absolutely nothing to do with each other. Their encounters are random and by chance, and nothing comes out of it. Acquaintances have the possibility—if even in the slightest, the very slightest—of becoming friends."

There is a pause.

"Friends?"

"Friends," Dohwa confirms promptly. "You know, like Dano and me. Like you and Dano."

"Oh..." Juda looks down. "Dano and I. I wouldn't say we were friends." She shifts slowly so that she's sitting formally, her socked feet planted to the floor, her hands wedged tightly under her thighs. "We're just acquaintances."

Dohwa laughs, throwing Juda momentarily off-guard, "Well, what did I just say? That's perfect! Now, we can all become friends together."

He is still grinning that stupid, kind smile. There is still a revelling, lighthearted glimmer in his eyes. He is exactly the way Juda remembers.

"There's no reason for us to be friends," she insists.

"That doesn't mean we can't be."

She says nothing for a long while. She looks down at her lap. Her hair falls in front of her face.

"Hey... why?" Dohwa asks gently, but jokingly. He's bent over now, peering to see her face. When she meets his gaze, his eyes are kind again. "You don't like having friends?"

"Not usually."

"Why not?"

The irritation rakes and claws in her stomach. "Why do you even care, why are you even asking me these things? You don't even remember me!" She's raises her voice, suddenly. She expects Dohwa to recoil, but he just sits there watching her, as though she hadn't yelled at all.

His face is blank and curious.

"Remember you?" he repeats.

"I-I mean..." Juda curses foully, squeezing her eyes shut. She shifts on the bed again, pulling up her legs, looking away. She wraps her arms around her knees. "I mean... do you remember my name?"

"Your name? It's, uhh..." he pauses for a moment. Slowly, he frowns. He's disappointed with himself. "It's, your name is... I-I'm sure Dano told me. I know it, just give me a second—"

"It's Yeo Juda."

A beat of silence passes.

And then another one.

Dohwa has fallen still. Eventually he looks up and fixates an unfathomable stare on Juda.

"Yeo Juda?"

"Yes, now, if you're very well done disrupting my peace, a-and taking up my personal space, then can you please leave?" Juda snaps. "I'm done with this friend garbage!"

More silence follows, swallowing them.

Dohwa is quiet for the first time since he came in. He stares into Juda's eyes. When Juda finally looks back, a wound opens up inside her that roars with pain. It's the same pain that laces through his eyes.

"Right," he says. He clears his throat. "I, uhh... sorry about that. I shouldn't have—"

"You know, actually, I'll just go," she stands up. "I have somewhere to be anyway."

She leaves the room.

•••

He is as lively and kind as she remembers. He still wears his heart on his sleeve, getting hurt all the time; it's pathetic and stupid.

Juda sits in a corner and cries.

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