Sweet Karma

Chapte Twelve

A bright light from the windows awoken Cali from her sleep, she opened her eyes and all she can see is white everywhere.  That's when she realized that she's in hospital.

Then she remembered Luke finding out about Lukas, his threat to take away their children, and there's blood.

She felt like she couldn't breath and she's sweating.

'No, the baby.  I can't lose my baby.' She felt her stomach.  'No please. No please. I beg you God.'

She was distorted.

Cali stood up but the pain in her abdomen made her kneel.  She shouted in pain while cupping her lower abdomen.

Sweat and tears.

Her hospital room opened and she saw Luke holding foods.

Luke didn't expect Cali to be awake when he got back from buying their food.  But he saw her in the ground in fetal position screaming in pain and shouting for help.  It felt like someone stole his heart and he can't breathe anymore.  He immediate throw the food on the side and went directly to her.  He scoop her back on the bed then press the button to call the doctor.

He realized that she's having a panic attacks.
Looking at her now, there's something heavy   thing that drop in his heart.

Luke embraced her.

"Follow me, Cali. " He cupped her cheeks. "In hale. Exhale. Breath deeply and slowly. Good girl." He wiped her tears.  No matter what happened to them, no matter how much she hurt him in the past, he has always a fond of her.  There's always part of him that always belong to Cali. Then he kissed her forehead.

Cali slowly calm down and immediately release herself from Luke's touch.  It's addicting that she's afraid, she can't let him go, to the extend that she'll beg him to take her back and lose herself in the process.

"I lose the baby, right?" She asked him in a small voice but Luke can see the bitterness and pain in her eyes.

"Cali..."

Before Luke can validate her suspicion, Doctor Ramos and Nurse Alba entered the room.

"How are you, Miss Javier?'' Doctor Ramos asked her while checking her vitals.  She was a woman doctor on her early forties.

"I don't know, Doc.  I am numb. The baby?" Cali really wished that her intuition is wrong.  That the baby is still inside of her and growing. She gripped Luke's arm unconsciously, getting strength from him.

Doctor Ramos sadly look into her. 

"I am sorry, Miss Javier.  You had a miscarriage. We couldn't save the baby.  You're in your first 3 weeks of pregnancy and your condition is really delicate one.  Also, are you under so much stress these past days or weeks? It took a toll on your body."

Cali just stayed there without moving but tears escape in her eyes.

'How? Why? I just found out about the baby and on the same day, I lose it.  How? Why are you so cruel to me!'

"You are still under observation, Miss Javier.  We are monitoring if you'll bleed more or not." Doctor Ramos feel for her because she knows how much it hurts to lose a child. She smiled to Cali. "I know no words can describe how much pain you are now but you have to fight the devil inside you, whispering that it's your fault, you're not enough and a bad mom. Grieve, accept and move on.  Focus on the people you love and love you."

No dare to speak first after the nurse and doctor left.  They both don't know how to deal with thier loss.

"Leave." Cali said emotionless.

"Cali, it's hard..I know." Luke said but Cali interrupted him.

"Maybe this is still my karma for my sins 3 years ago." She laughed without any humour. She looked into his eyes with her teary ones. "Are you happy that I'm suffering, Luke? You're going to take Lucas too, right? Go on, do it.  You can do whatever you want and I don't give a fuck."

"Cali...." Luke exhaled. "How could you think that I want any harm to you? Or me wanting you to lose our baby.  That's my baby too, Cali! Half yours and half me." Luke held her arms tightly, to emphasize his point. Never in his life that he wished for any ill things to come to Cali.

Cali instantly removed his hands.  She felt disgusted with herself.

"Because that baby was made from mistake, Luke! Lucas too!? Because he's a product of my useless revenge to you! The revenge that I lost from the very beginning." She cried harder. "It was stupid of me to go through that revenge....I should have run the first saw you. I should have listen to my brain to walk away because you stir emotions that I thought died along with Dan."

"Cali, please. . ."

"I'm living like an empty shell for almost 4 years, Luke. I know fate has not been in our favor.  You losing your child and your wife.  And me, living as single mom with a heavy guilt. Guilt of hurting you, guilt of not telling you about our son, guilt of depriving my son of a father. I really wanted to give up   life but Lucas. I can't leave him. He's the reason I am still breathing and your face haunted me these past years because when I looked at Lucas, I saw you and I can't forget the pain and hurt in your eyes that day."

"Leave, Luke.  Just.." Cali closed her eyes tightly, making her tears fall."Just leave.  Leave me alone and let me mourn for my child without you mocking at my back."

Cali looked at him with a dead eyes. She felt empty and shallow.  She didn't know if she can live through this.  She has no reason at all.

"About Lucas....You can just send your lawyer, have his draft the custody agreement. I'll wholly surrender Lucas custody to you. Just take care of my baby boy and tell him about me, so he won't forget me."

Then Cali laid down on the hospital bed and turned her back from Luke. She silently cried.

'Why is this happening to me? I lost everything.  What's the point of this life?'

Deep inside her heart, she is praying that Luke will stay with her even just today.  She was scared to ask him to stay so they can mourn the loss of their baby together. She was on the verge of begging him to not leave because everytime passed, she felt like she's losing her breath. She felt so suffocated.

She heard the door opens then closes. That when she let out her sobs.

'Do you expect him to comfort you, Cali? Really? How stupid of you!'

She curled her body and didn't care the pain on her abdomen.  She is numb. No pain can ever compete of losing her babies, and Luke.