Space They Cannot Touch

49.

So yes, being logical and considering where you two where in your lives, careers and relationship, it made sense to not try for a kid. But you didn't want to be logical. You didn't want to be carefully controlled in every decision you made, second guessing what the right thing was for your relationship because of what others may say. You didn't want to wait for the right time because was there ever really a right time?

Yes, Y/N there is.

A time when Tom wasn't constantly travelling, ping-ponging from one project and country to the next, time when he would be at home with no outside pressure or work commitments, present, happy and involved with his wife and kids.

You wondered if it was your biological clock that was making you feel this way; you were turning 26 this year, though the age difference had never bothered you before and it certainly didn't seem to faze Tom. But lately you had noticed this physical ache, an almost overwhelming desire to have a baby right that instant. There'd been a mother and infant at the shops the other day and you'd been so shocked by your desire to hold the child and never let it go that you set down your basket and left, afraid you may very well do that.

Stupid hormones.

Did Tom ever feel this way when he saw babies? Or was it more of an aw moment and then he moved on, continuing with his day without another thought? Though you'd discussed and agreed that having children was something you both wanted, you were struck by the idea that maybe he didn't want it as badly as you did. He was young, handsome and carefree, in the height of his career and growing fame; why would he want to tie himself down to you any more than he already was? Most of his friends weren't even dating, let alone married. Kids were a far off, long term achievement - the final piece of the puzzle, emphasis on final.

Stop it, Y/N. You're letting your anxiety get the better of you.

In all fairness to him, you hadn't spoken about kids for a while and it likely wasn't top of his priorities right now. And how could it be when he was the youngest face of the MCU, carrying the considerable weight of a yet to be released franchise, a consistently delayed project, as well as his upcoming work with the Russo brothers. Of course his attentions were focused elsewhere, and would be for some time.

Your thoughts were still muddled when the plane landed in Venice and you almost breezed right past the waiting escort, even though he'd written your maiden name. It was only because Drew was there too that you didn't end up completely lost.

"You okay? You look a bit peaky" he asked, sitting next to you on the water bus.

"Yeah, travel sick" you muttered, waving your hand dismissively as you watched Venice float past.

The architecture reminded you of Verona and a fresh wave of disappointed realisation washed over you; it would've been nice to recreate that Verona afternoon in Venice, even with Tom's hectic film schedule.

You were surprised to find Tom waiting for you in the tent and not busy on set, though he was hopping agitatedly from foot to foot. How he could make a blue flannel and old man chinos with Nike's attractive, you had no idea.

"Hey stud" you cooed in his ear, his form pressing against you in a way that made your core protest furiously.

"Hey doll, you okay?"

"Ugh"

"Drew -"

"Yeah I figured" you sighed, "But I'm fine, really. Just travel sick"

"No that's not it, I can tell" he said, frowning at you.

"Stop doing that, I hate it" you sulked, rolling your eyes and crossing your arms as you stepped back from him.