IQ148 // namjoon ✔️

__SEPTEMBER__

He was restless the entire time as all he could do was monitor the headlines as the press published their articles. It was beyond his control; it was out of his hands. If it was up to him, NamJoon would have told the press everything: how JungMi was there before the fame and how he's been in love with her for years, but he couldn't do that to JungMi. All he could think about was JungMi and how she was holding up through it all.

Even as he celebrates his birthday, he thinks about how today would be more special if she was here to celebrate with him...

He is the last to arrive at the dorm; he just got back from the studio as it starts to get dark outside. He kicks off his shoes at the front door before walking in the direction of the kitchen for refreshments. He stumbles through the dim hallway, wondering why the dorm is so dark and no lights are turned on. All the other members should be home already...
did they leave and go somewhere without telling him?

NamJoon pats along the wall, searching for the light switch for the kitchen. Once he feels it, he flips the switch, illuminating the kitchen.

"Surprise!" All of his band members cheer once the lights turn on. NamJoon's eyes go wide in surprise and his lips form a perfect 'O'. As Taehyung and Jungkook pull him into the kitchen where they're all gathered, NamJoon bursts into a contagious grin.

Jin lights the candles on the mini cake as Jimin holds it up from under the cake box. Once all the candles are lit, Jimin yells at the youngest to turn the lights back off so the candles can glow at their brightest.

Once they are covered in the shadows of their dorm once again, all of his band members circle around the cake which is their only source of light. After Jin counts down from three, they all sing the birthday song at the top of their lungs:

Happy Birthday to You
Happy Birthday to You
Happy Birthday Dear NamJoon
Happy Birthday to You.

"Make a wish!"

I wish...
I wish...

NamJoon stares at the flame.

He wants to see JungMi again. That's his biggest desire, but no matter how much he wished to see her, he never did see her again...

Maybe he should be wishing for something else...

I wish... Amor fati.

NamJoon blows out the candle, immersing the room into darkness. All of his band members cheer as the lights are turned back on.

=====

NamJoon rips open the gift wrapper from the package. It's a birthday present personally delivered by his younger sister.

"When I saw it, I immediately thought of you," she had said as she handed the gift over with a shiny ribbon bow on top, "I think you'll enjoy it."

Based on the shape, size, and weight of the packaging, NamJoon knew right away that it's a book.

After tearing away the wrapper, he can finally see which book it is. It's a collection of poems: the Four Quartets by T. S. Eliot.

He recognizes the name; Eliot was considered one of the 20th century's major poets. The Four Quartets was considered to be his last great work in his poetic career.

Not wasting anytime, NamJoon lies down in his bed and flips to the first page. It's been awhile since he had the chance to relax and actually put thought into his reading.

It's a very thought provoking collection, the common theme being man's relationship with time, the universe, and the divine; it focuses on the central theme of time and humanity's place within it. All questions that NamJoon used to ask himself all the time; it's no wonder his sister thought of him when she saw this book.