Mahal nga kasi kita

40

Kalirea's POV

"Marco, problema ko to. Wag ka nang makisali dito! Wag kang makigulo! This is my problem and not yours! Kung ano mang mangyayare sa akin, wala ka na dun!"

"Don't interfere"

"Bahala ka!"

"Pinaglalaban na nga kita, ayaw mo pa" Marco said as he walks out

Parang nanghina ang buong katawan ko dahil sa mga sinabi niya. I'm so sorry Marco.

I didn't mean those words. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted you to stay away from me. I want to keep you close.

Marco, I'm sorry.

Ayokong ipagpalit mo ko para sa 10 million. Ayokong mawala ka.

Marco, I'm sorry.

Nasabi ko lang yun kasi ayokong may masamang mangyare sayo. Ayokong madamay ka sa gulo ng pamilya ko. Ayokong masaktan rin ang mga taong nakapaligid sayo. Ayokong masaktan ang pamilya mo.

Ayokong masira ang buhay mo.

Ayokong maging hadlang sa mga pangarap mo. Ayokong mas lalo kang masaktan.

Marco, I'm sorry. Ayokong maranasan mo ang mga nararanasan ko sa kamay ng daddy ko. Ayokong mahirapan ka.
Ayokong magalit sa akin ang magulang mo at ang mga kapatid mo.
Ayoko ring mapahamak sila nang dahil sa akin.

Ayokong magalit ka sa akin. Ayokong sisihin mo ko sa lahat ng kamalasan na nararanasan mo.

Marco, I'm sorry. I don't think I'm the right person for you.

Kasi lagi nalang kitang nasasaktan

"Meron akong kakilala...anak ng isa sa directors ko. Mayaman, gwapo, mat---"

"That's bullshit!" I couldn't handle my dad anymore.

"Kalirea!" He yelled but I'm no longer afraid

"Sige! Sampalin mo ko! Itulak mo ko! Suntukin mo! Iroundhouse kick mo ko! I don't care!" I raged

"Pagod na pagod na ako! Pagod na pagod na ako sayo! I'm tired of doing everything you want. I'm tired of this!" Namumuo ang galit sa aking puso

"I'm so tired dealing with you!" I never got freedom.

All this time I was a bird locked in this cage that I can't get out of. There were times that I thought I was free. There were times that I could fly freely, but then I realized that the cage is just getting bigger, but I'm still locked. I'm still caged, I'm still being controlled.

"I'm your father! You should listen to me!" Sigaw niya sa akin

"Yeah! You're my father but you never treated me like your daughter! You never loved me! You were just using me! You know what hurts? I though there will be a time that you'll learn to treat me like your child, but I was wrong! I was wrong!"

When I was young, my father treated me like a trash. Why? Anak ako sa labas. I was made out of an affair, I was made accidentally. I was the biggest mistake.

My dad impreganated two women at the same time. His wife, and my mom.

His wife gave birth to Elyc Brail. My half brother.

My dad used me because my grandfather was also a successful businessman. He used me to get more money. He used me to get to the top. He forced me into events, dates, that I never wanted to go into.

I grew up not knowing what I really wanted.

I grew up just doing whatever he wanted me to do.

But slowly, I realized that there so much to explore. There is so much outside that cage. That for the first time, I want something for myself. Not what other people wanted for me.

I grew up with a lot of money, not even knowing their real value. I grew up getting whatever material things that I wanted without breaking a sweat.

Pero hindi ibigsabihin nun ay masaya na ako.

Money can make your life easier, yeah it also can make you happy.

But what real happiness means is being with the people you love. Doing the things that will make you happy. Making other people happy and making the world a much better place. That's how I describe real happiness.

"Dad, please stop. Nakakadiri ka na"

"Anong sabi mo?!"

"I said, nakakadiri ka. You're disgusting. You know, if Elyc was here I'm sure he would have said the same thing" I said and when I said his name, parang naiiyak ako. Parang nanghina na nanaman ako.

Yeah, my brother is my weakness.

"You never..." unting unting pumatak ang luha mula sa aking mga mata

"You never even cared! When Elyc died, you didn't even...after a week, you just acted like your son didn't die!"

"People move on!" Sigaw niya sa akin and I couldn't even believe it.

Move on?! Move on!?

"That's absurd! That's so fucked up! You're so fucked up! Dad, kadiri ka! Kadiri ka!"

One week kang nakamove on sa anak mong namatay. Not to mention, he was your legitimate child. Habang ako, hindi nga kami halos magkadugo pero 7 years bago ko tuluyang matanggap ang pagkamatay niya.

"Kalirea, maiintindihan mo rin ang lahat. Makinig ka lang sa akin"

"No! I don't understand you! I will never understand you! You're a sociopath!"

"Ang kapal ng mukha mong sabihan ako ng ganyan! Kung wala ako, wala ka sa mundong to! You wouldn't have money! You wouldn't have privileges! You wouldn't be a Chance!" Sigaw niya sa akin and I was so angry.

Ako pa makapal mukha?

"I never wanted to be born anyways! I don't want your money! Lalong lalo nang ayoko maging anak mo! I don't to be your daughter! I don't want your surname!"

Pagod na pagod na ako.

Sawang sawa na ako.

Have you ever felt that?

Pinagtutulungan ka ng mundo. Yung feeling na wala nang magandang nangyayare sa buhay mo. Yung minsan hindi mo alam kung saan patungo o kung may direksyon pa ba tong buhay mo.

You're swallowed by sadness, swallowed whole by the darkness, and you're just there. You don't know if you'll be able to get out. You don't know if you'll able to see the light. You don't know how to cope.

You don't know if you'll be able to feel worthy again. You don't know when you'll feel happy again. Because everything is just empty.

But then slowly, bit by bit...you see the light. Someone reaches out to you.

Suddenly you can feel emotions again. Suddenly you can feel happiness again.

And you thought it will stay like that, but then it was taken away from you.

You felt violated, you felt sad.

Because you know what it finally feels like. Because you have something to look forward to and it was taken away.

You tried to fight for it, you tried to get it.

But at the end, you got hurt.

-//-
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