Happily Ever After

Eleven~ Take Me To Church

Jenna

Growing up in Texas was kind of crazy. The summers are too hot, I had never seen snow before I moved to Chicago. Everyone is either super nice or super mean and there's no in between. The culture there is almost like you're in a whole another place entirely, we have a different language and food and customs. There were no two Texans alike.

But the one thing that Texas people all agree on is going to church. Not always the same kind of church, but everyone has to go to church.

When I moved up to Chicago I still attended church for it was my safe place. It was the one place back home I knew papa would never lay a hand on me and momma would never say the awful things she said at home. For two hours on Sunday's and a hour on Wednesday's I was safe and I was being looked after by something I can see or hear, but I know it's there.

And that's what I like to call faith. Faith that someone or something out there is looking after me. And I know what you're thinking, with all that has happened to me how can I possibly believe that someone has been trying to help me? If that were true why wouldn't they have stoped my parents from hurting me or my sister from dying? How can I have faith when my life is one blow after another?

But sometimes it feels like all I have left is faith... that the only thing I can put my heart into is the belief that someone is out there looking out for me. Even after I messed up and did a lot of things that aren't good I can still believe in god. That he will support me and love me even though I am not perfect.

I mean look at Kris and Mary for a example. I don't deserve these people in my life making me smile and feel loved, yet they're here. They're sticking around and because they are I'm a better person. I have faith that I won't mess up with those two and that they'll return the favor.

So early this morning Kris meets Mary and I at the church we go to. Mary has on her favorite Sunday school dress and I told her that if she behaves and the Sunday school teacher tells me that she was good we can grab breakfast at the cafe after this. Connie knows I go to church every Sunday morning, even if I don't feel like it or even if I was having a bad day I still go. Just to hear something I need to hear and find a reason to keep going.

I find Kris outside of the church and walk over to him. He pulls me into a quick kiss and I can't help but smile. Not a lot of guys show affection, and in front of a church at that, but it looks like I finally found someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them.

We go inside and I introduce him to the kind people I've met through the church. I don't talk to a lot of them outside of here, but like usual I gravitated towards the older folk. So I find the couple I sit with during church services and their grandkids who goes to Sunday school with Mary. The kids go off to eat all the service food and sing bible songs with their friends and I try to make Kris feel welcomed.

"Michael, Tammy, this is my boyfriend Kris and Kris this wonderful couple is Mike and Tam" I introduce.

"I am a big fan" Michael says as he shakes Kris' hand.

Michael and Tammy were the nicest people I have ever met outside of the cafe. They might have loaned me a few bucks here and there but I always make sure to pay them back. They know God can only do so much so they did what they could to help me, and they didn't have to do that. I've been to their house before and they were even at my graduation to support me. Their daughter is a lot like me where the trouble she finds is the only constant in her life, but unlike her I come to the church for help. She stays mad at the world blaming something she doesn't understand for her problems simply because it's easier than having to face them on her own. And I get it, I really do. But church is something that I feel helps me not get so overwhelmed by life. It helps me find some answers and gives me strength to keep going.

"It's a pleasure to meet you too" Kris smiles. "Jenna has told me nothing but great things about you guys" he insists.

"You too" Tammy insists. "But out of everything she's been telling us she failed to mention that this Kris she was talking about played for the Chicago Cubs."

"Because he isn't a ball player to me" I shrug. "When I met him I didn't know who he was, who he wanted to be. He was this cutie pie who kept bothering me at the cafe, nothing more nothing less" I say.

"Well you couldn't have picked a better girl" Michael says to Kris. "Sure Jenna ain't perfect, but god hasn't made anyone perfect. He gives us all trials to overcome because he knows we can do it. And she's done it" he claims.

"I really couldn't have anyone better" Kris claims as he smiles down at me. I smile back as my heart starts to jump. This is going to be a long Sunday service with him looking at me like this.

Eventually we find some seats near the back of the church. It was always packed in here, it's one of the more popular churches so I like to get there pretty early to get the seats I want.

"This place is real nice. But I would be lying if I said I remember the last time I went to church" he admits.

"You don't have to go to church every Sunday to have faith" I assure him.

"I don't get how you still have faith, after everything you've been through" he claims.

I let out a soft sigh as my eyes settle on the Bible in front of me. "If there's not a reason for what happened to me then it was all for nothing. The Bible has tons of stories of people who had problems like mine and I figured if they found their answers in this religion maybe I could find mine here too. I don't want to think that this was all for nothing, you now? There has to be a meaning to all of these issues I have like the people in the Bible. This book gives me reasons and gives me strength to get through everything I have. Faith is unseen but felt, faith is strength when we have none. Faith is hope when all seems lost. And every dark day, every single time I wanted to give up I remembered what I learned here, how I felt here. Not everyone has to believe in God but everyone needs to have faith" I explain.

"I have faith in you" he tells me.

"But not in God" I ask.

He just shrugs his shoulders before they fall again. "I don't know. I went to church as a kid but as a ball player it's hard to go against what you know, you know" he asks.

"I get it. I really do. It's not easy to trust in what you can't see or hear or hold. But what's even scarier not believing in anything" I insist.