The Interrogation

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"I cut off my cat's tail today. It did not bleed. I AM CONFUSION. I think my legs are melting, or maybe they have turned into jelly, I'm not really sure. Oh well who cares. The cat was a crackhead anyway, I mean what kind of cat is rainbow in color. Oh wait i have a rainbow cat...Does that mean im gay..wait lesbian. No, I'm straight. I'm straight? Heyyy can you check if I have a dick please." she slurred out, on the verge of passing out. AGAIN.

"Fuck, she's fucking stoned. Now we don't have any leads....AHHHHH SHIITT!!." Martin yelled, throwing his batch on the table. I am so frustrated, this was not why I joined the fucking force. I did not sign up for this. I sat down on the ledge, my head in my hands. 3 people died, 3 fucking humans died, and this is our only fucking lead. A stoned teenager who thinks drugs are cool. Great. FUCKING GREAT.

"Bitch Are you fucking stupid do i look like a fucking stone to you" she laughed. This was getting old. I'm done with this. I silently got up, went inside the cell then BAM. well finally that torture is over.
"Are you fucking stupid you just knocked her out you dumb shit" he scremed at my face and all i could manage was a weak laugh.
"it wasn't like she was any help." I shot back and we both know I'm right.

"Am I dead?" The girl had not yet passed out! I smacked my forehead. I wish I could pass out. Anything would be better than this fucking joke of an interrogation. Three people are fucking dead, and my only lead belives she's dead. I don't even bother with a response. Instead I take in five deep breaths. This doesn't always work, but I need it to work right now, because I will commit the next murder if it doesn't. I slam my palm against the table and it startles the girl. If she spits one more piece of bullshit I'm gonna lose it.

"Calm it Pérez!" Martin is trying. My last name rolled oddly off his Canadian ass. How exactly does he expect me to 'calm it'?
"Three people are dead, Brown. Really want me to stay calm?" He knows when to shut up. It's why we actually work as a team.

"Are you the devil..?" The girl seems genuinely terrified and I sort of wish I had some pity for her, but right now, she's my only lead in a triple homicide. I need her to speak. I don't care if she pisses her skirt in the process. Jesus save me. "No but, I will be if you don't start talking sense. Tell me what exactly happened" I said with a smile, hoping she'd understand but at this point I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't. The girl was in some real shit! So much praise for the Canadian school system and they can't even keep kids off street shit. The three people that died were fucking teenagers, and two of them were drug dealers. This shit breaks my heart.

"You're scary!" The girl might've actually pissed her pants. I still don't give a fuck, she can't file harassment.
"It's just gonna get worse if you don't speak." Martin is trying to play the good cop but we both know she isn't buying this shit.

"Well so there was this cute guy, like a really cute guy" she giggled but stopped when i gave her the stink eye, "and he was holding a black banana and i thought the banana was so gross but then you won't believe what happened" she said her eyes wide "the banana pooped on my friend's boob. THE FREAKING BANANA HAD FREAKIN SUPERPOWERS" she yelled like a maniac. I rolled my eyes. I am going to kill her. This is absolute bullshit. I can't use any of this information as evidence. If any of it was even worth using the first place. I am going to kill her, for real.

"Do you think he had a gun?" Martin is being useful for once. That is a surprise. There's a reason he gets the kids I guess, "Can you talk about the banana, the poop. Was the poop small and fast?" Just hearing those words from a fully armed officer, dressed in proper uniform is painful, and hilarious. I turn around. Trying to calm myself down. Today was already turning out worse than I needed it to be. This was going to be absolute hell. I already knew it.

"The poop was so fast, it kinda looked like goat poop to be honest. It hit my friend's boob" she took a long time giggling then continued "it hit her and then root beer came out of it. I didn't know boobs could produce root beer...why can't my boobs produce root beer" she whined, her lower lip trembling. Oh fuck! I knewI what was coming instantly. Even at the ripe age of 30 and having survived 4 shootings I did not know how to handle this. Yup there it was, the infamous tears. FUCK! I was going to die. She was holding her boobs now, and crying over them. I can't watch this. Apparently, neither could Martin as he turned around too. Fuck!

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