Pervade and Faint

Chapter 25

First of all, falling in love wasn't even in a million miles of my thoughts. But when I fell in love, the situations pummeled me disgracefully .Despite the pain and delusion I received, my hope was still alive, powerful and desperate. I actually thought that we were having heart to heart conversations. But little did I know. After all the loyalty I put in, the output was terrible. I tried my best to fit myself into him, but little did I know that he was already dissolved into someone else's heart. And I remembered what Stephanie once told me.
"You can't just where double socks and say that the shoes are of your size, even though they fit you".
And she was definitely correct.
Stephanie fell in love for the first time when she was in twelfth grade. She had a really strong bond of love with her boyfriend. Just like love is supposed to be. She really loved him, and thought that he loved her too, just like I thought that Amir loved me.
And when things between them got serious, Stephanie wanted her boyfriend to take the next step, marriage.
And their conversation touched the reality, but only along the tangent.

He never came, the day they were supposed to get married.
And that's when Stephanie broke. Her life tore apart. She started drinking and smoking. She even denied going to college. She denied getting married. She denied almost everything.
And the same, but not exactly same thing happened to me. Amir broke my heart.
I talked to his dad a few times after we received the devastating news of Amir's mother's death.
Amir's dad was still in great tense after his wife passed away. He talked about this girl. He said that he was really worried about her. Some girl named Sophia. She was supposed to be Amir's cousin or something like that.
Amir's dad told me that he was really worried about Sophia, and of Amir, because he never called.
His dad hesitated, telling me about what happened to Sophia. Why he was so worried about her.
He told me that she got married. But I found nothing wrong in that statement. He told me not to tell Amir. But stupid of me, it slipped out of my mouth.
I didn't know what the consequences would be.

He fainted a few seconds after I told him that Sophia got married.
When he woke up, or actually, when Tyrese, Rose and I brought him to his senses, he seemed vexed. He wouldn't talk to anyone. He rushed out of the room like a typhoon and ran down the stairs. We tried to stop him, but he seemed unstoppable. When we tried to grab him, he fell on the grass and broke into tears.
"NO!" he screamed, at the top of his dear lungs, ripping off the grass with both hands furiously.
"What happened to him?" asked Tyrese and stared at me.
I couldn't answer; instead, I broke into my own tears. I understood what was going on. Amir was heads over heels in love with that girl. And he cheated with me the whole entire time, also her, whatever the hell her name was. Sophia.
"THIS CANT BE HAPPENING", he screamed and banged his fists in the grass.
"SHE'S MINE. MINE. MINE", he reiterated and cried like a child. For a moment, I really felt bad for him. But I didn't give all of my sympathies to him because he betrayed me. And my heart broke.
"Tell him not to talk to me, ever!" I yelled at Tyrese. He stood there, transfixed. Tyrese really didn't know what was going on. I marched off to my room and locked my door. I didn't want anyone to come in my room. Not even him. I cried all night. Lovelorn. Never in my life had I ever felt so lonely. There were plenty of nights which I had spent without Amir. But no night ever stung me like that specific one. I needed him. I wanted him to say that he was sorry and wrap me in his arms. But at the same time, I wanted him to stay away from me. Far.
____________

I tried my best not to talk to him, to avoid him. But I couldn't. Almost a week was coming to pass by, and we hadn't spent a minute together. And yes, it hurt a lot.

As the desire dominated
I went to his room on Saturday, wondering whether he would even talk to me or not. I stood in front of the door; ready to knock. I could have just entered in without knocking. It was nothing new for me. But I knocked, because the atmosphere between us had changed. And it was a boy's room. I didn't want to see three fully grown teenagers in the nude (Naked). One, perhaps, would be fine, but not the other two.
I knocked at the door and not to my surprise, Tyrese opened it.
"Hello", he said and I pushed the door.
"Bye", I deadpanned (He's clearly stupid).
"Okay", he said, astounded.
My eyes scrolled everywhere in the room. But they just didn't click what they were pursuit of.
"He's in the office", said Tyrese from behind and slouched himself on his bed.
"That's who you came for, right?" he asked and smirked.
I disregarded him and opened the small fridge of theirs.
"Um permission please", said Tyrese and sat straight on his bed.
"Shut up", I said and took out a can of Welch's fruit punch soda. I opened the Can and sat on Amir's bed. He had a few books beneath his pillow.
I thought of Marie Curie, the most famous female scientist. How she used to wrap herself with books when she felt cold. I wondered whether Amir also did so.
"When is he going to come?" I asked and took a sip of the cold and fizzing fruit soda.
"I know what happened between the two of you", he said and rubbed the knuckles of his left hand with the thumb of his right hand.
"I know", he repeated.
"Well then congratulations", I mocked. I really felt broke, and lonely.
"You really loved him didn't you?" he asked and smiled.
I stared at him for a moment.
"Yeah, I did...and I still do", said a feeble and candid voice from the inside of me.
Suddenly, the door flew open and Amir rushed in. My heart leaped and jumped, berserk with joy. Words got stuck in my throat when I saw him.
"Hey", he said. I didn't know whether he had said it to Tyrese or me, because he really didn't look at either one of us.
"What took you so long?" asked Tyrese and Amir sat down on Tyrese's bed, on Tyrese's bed, not with me. My heart broke into a million pieces at that. I tried my best not to let my tears, which were flooding in my eyes, come out. I wanted to tell him, let him be aware that I was also in the room. But what was there to say to him? Wasn't he already in love with another girl? And not with me? That girl, I thought. That...Sophia. That....
"So, I just asked the staff and they told me that our winter breaks are going to start after eleven days", he said.
"So?" asked Tyrese.
"Boom, I'll fly to Pakistan", he said and a smile blazoned across his face. I examined his whole entire body, his broad shoulders, his hands, long neck, lips. I couldn't get enough of his beauty.
Suddenly, I wanted to cry. The person who I loved the most in my whole entire life was right there, in front of me. And he didn't even bother to look at me once.
I stood up and wiped my tears.
As I gained towards the door, he called me. I felt a whole supply of adrenaline rushing in me. I turned back. He was standing, hands in his pockets, probably his hottest position.
"I'm sorry", he said and looked at the ground, ashamed.
Look at me baby, look at me, I thought, and wished.
But he didn't.
"I'm sorry, I'm just...you know. So caught up", he said and lifted his head, eyes abashed.

Caught up in that girl
"You didn't even ask me how I am", I said tears began to run from my eyes.
My head began to spin and I sat down on his bed.
He sat down beside me (Finally).
"I'm really sorry. For everything", he said.
Tears were still running from my eyes.
"I'm really close to her", he said and he started talking about her. He talked about her for a long time. Although, I loved the way he spoke. But not when the topic was of her. I loved the way words came out of his mouth. Words released out of his mouth very slowly, like honey from a bottle. Despite the fact that I loved his voice, I hated it when the name of that girl came out of his mouth, which came out along his each breath, making his sweet breath turn bitter.
He stopped for a while. He probably noticed that I wasn't listening to him, because of the topic. His eyes glowed when her name reached his ears.
"But, isn't she married?" I asked, trying to tug a strand of hope.
He sighed, painfully. It was hard to see him in pain, even though I knew that he was occupied with the thoughts of another woman.
"True love never dies", he said and fixed his gaze to the ground. He was ashamed.
"It's like a_"
"Pervade and faint", I said and completed the sentence.
"Yeah, it's pervade and faint", he said.
He was right. It's pervade and faint. Except my love story was different. It was pervade fall, to which a rise was not just vital but biologically and scientifically necessary