Pervade and Faint

Chapter 10

         

The first couple days of college went pretty desolate and insipid. Less than half of the class was usually present. Amir was also absent, even though he usually never took days off. The sudden change of the weather affected him and he caught the flu. Despite the absence of the class, the teachers weren't willing to take a bit of pity on us. They gave us a cascade of tests. Assignments, which I knew would take all night. I wondered how Amir and Sameer managed to complete their work, probably because they didn't have a ton of burden on them. The interior condition of a house also affects students, profoundly. Poverty has not much to do with one who keeps intentions of studying. However, there is a well known poverty which leads to mere chaos and destruction, the poverty of thought. As James Allen said,
"Poverty is a thought of internal realization."

My grades began to drop gradually. I used to have headaches more often. I never told mom anything about them. But I knew that she was aware of my condition because she used to stare at me, silently for quite long whenever I sat on my swing. But she never had enough time to ask. It still didn't hurt me that much because I knew that she loved me. And time is something that loves needs, but receives less. My handwriting was getting indecipherable as my hands stayed frozen most of the time. Mom certainly managed a bus for my college, but the heat didn't work. Albeit, I was humbly thankful to her and knew that I would always be.
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The next day of loneliness

The principal made a sudden and unanticipated arrival to our class. She usually never came during the lectures. She usually made arrivals after class. She took a good look at the class and shifted her eyes from one corner to the other in pursuit of something which only her eyes knew best.

She caught sight of me and called me out immediately. My heartbeat accelerated.

My grades were falling and I knew that she was going to send complains, straight to mom. She had a good relationship with mom. As a matter of fact, my mom had been her junior back in college.

"Yes Madam", I said, trying to keep as much as humbleness in my voice as possible. I shifted my eyes to the floor right after.
"Sophia do you know the reason behind Amir's constant absence?" she asked. My throat constricted.
"No_ I mean yes. Yes madam", I answered, hesitantly.
She raised both eyebrows and her jerked her head, her movement manifesting that she wanted to extrude an answer from me.
"Madam, he isn't feeling well", I answered, keeping my answer as succinct and explicable as possible. She nodded and an inverted U (a frown) blazoned across her face.
"So he's sick", she said, almost mysteriously, much more to herself than to me. She looked at me for a second.
"Convey him a message", she said and told me to inform him that he needed to be in class in any condition tomorrow. She left afterwards.

She didn't discuss anything related to my studies, even though it wasn't a topic worth discussing. I must confess that it hurt. Her, disregarding me, really stabbed me deep and lasted a profound effect. She gave me no importance and I already felt degraded. I felt as if I had no value.

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When I reached home, Mom was in the kitchen cooking. It was either my experience, or good senses, but I knew exactly what she was cooking. It was her day off, and she decided to cook something special. I hugged her from behind and nearly all of the stress discharged from my mind.
"I love you mom", I mumbled with my face in her shoulder. She caressed my cheek and pulled my hair back.
"What happened honey?" she asked as a tear ran down my cheek. I had no one but my mom. I hugged her again, allowing her beautiful fragrance in. She always had that same fragrance. And nothing escalated it.
"What happened to my girl? Answer me honey", she asked, sensing something amiss.
"Mom I have no value", I blunted and cried. I cried in her arms and nothing in the world seemed to offer more solace but my mother's arms. I didn't know why I just blunted those words out, but it somehow relieved me. I felt much better, invigorated, all of a sudden.
"You are the most valuable thing I own. Now keep your head up", she said and lifted my head. She looked at me and tried to show me that she was acting brave. But I saw the look on her face. Mom herself was fighting against her tears, fighting to keep them back in her eyes. But tears are meant to migrate. They last not for long in one place.
"How was college?" she asked after a while, when I stopped crying.
"It was fine. Thanks for asking", I said and smiled.
"Now go get some rest. I'll bring my girl her lunch in her room", she said and kissed my forehead.

I let my bag remain closed for a while. I didn't want to read a word regarding college. I lay down on my bed and stared at the white ceiling, thinking of Amir. I speculated for a few minutes, contemplating whether I should go to Amir and convey the principal's message.