Emma (before Red Band Society)

Sick

It's Wednesday. It's day 11 without any full meal. I wake up and I feel so weak. I get up and Finley is sitting at the table eating a frozen waffle. I asked where mom was. She said mom had an early appointment and that she made us waffles before she left. Finley pointed to plate of two waffles that was sitting on the table. I need an escape, I need an excuse.

I look at the clock and notice that I'm 10 minutes earlier than usual. I started acting as if I were in a hurry and I told Finley that I was going to be late if I didn't go now. I grabbed the waffles with a napkin and ran outside. I told her I would see her later. I didn't want to toss them in the trash in case Finley was watched me so I just took a bite of them and kept walking towards the bus stop. When I got away from the front of the house I spit it out. I explained to Darcy that they were still frozen. Darcy said I could throw them away in her trash can.

The bus came and I waited for everyone else to get on before me. I climbed up the stairs and sat down. My head was pounding. I rested my head on the back of the seat in front of me. Darcy was listening to music the whole way there. I was last to get off. The bus driver asked if I was okay. I perked right up and assured her I was fine. I did take a while to get down the stairs.. I have to pretend better.

Darcy already walked off and I walked the other way to my class. I sat down and the bell rang. Class began and I was just feeling really tired and I didn't hear a word the teacher said. My stomach was hurting. My bones were hurting. Even my blood was hurting.

I went to my locker after first period and Paul came to me and asked if I was doing alright. I nodded ad closed my eyes. I leaned against the lockers. Paul helped me to stand up straight. I woke up from this state and apologized. He asked me when's the last time I ate. I told him I had two waffles this morning and that I was just really tired. He suggested I went home and go to sleep. I couldn't. I had a French quiz today just like every Wednesday.

So.. French class came around the corner quite quickly. I haven't done anything today. I haven't listened to any lectures. I haven't taken any notes. I didn't participate in gym either. All I can really do now is stare into space. My teacher handed me my quiz. I positioned it straight on my desk and picked up my pencil. I got up to turn in my quiz. I caught myself on the desk. My teacher asked if I was okay. I nodded and pushed myself up from the desk and tried to walk but didn't make it but one step before collapsing in the middle of the classroom.

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I woke up with a woman checking my pulse with my wrist. I looked around trying to see where I was. I realized quickly that I was in an emergency center and my parents were there. They explained to me what had happened and the nurse saved me from answering questions by asking if they would step outside. Before the nurse walked out with them she told me a case worker would be in and that I just needed to take it easy.

A woman who I assumed was the case worker came in and introduced herself. She told me she would be here to assess me. She was here to help me and figure out what's the best plan for me. She asked me to be completely honest with her no matter how difficult the question would be. I knew this day would. I was just hoping it wouldn't.

She asked me how many days it's been since a full meal, she asked about my menstrual cycle, she asked about my family and my friends and my past. I honestly felt embarrassed whenever I said these things out loud. Something is wrong with me. Which the case worker assured to me that there wasn't anything wrong with me. She got up when the doctor came in and they stepped outside and talked.

He came back in and introduced himself as Dr. McAndrew. He asked me what has been going on and I told him some of things I told the case worker. He sighed and sat down beside me. There's two choice you have. I can tell both you and your parents the news at the same time.. Or you can hear the news twice by me telling you what's going to happen first. I asked if my parents had to know and he said they did. So I went with the first choice.

My parents came in and Dr. McAndrew started explaining to us how I had common symptoms of an eating disorder called Anorexia Nervosa. He told me that it was in my best interest to be put into the hospital in-patient care system until I reach a healthy weight or a healthier mindset. My mom hid her face on my dad's shoulder.

"What's going to happen next?" I asked the doctor.

"Well, we need to get you admitted into the Eating Disorder unit. Mom, dad you could run home and pack a suitcase for Emma. He looked at me and said we will get you out of here as soon as we can but you have to work hard to get better. There will be a nurse in here soon to take you to the floor. It was very nice meeting you Emma... Mr. and Mrs. Chota.."

I looked at my hands. I could bet that there was a long and descriptive lecture in my very soon future. My mom walked over to me and took my hand. She said she loved me. I didn't believe her. I have a disease now. Nobody wants their child to have a disease. She told me she would come by every single day and do whatever it took to make me feel supported. She said she felt guilty for how she basically neglected me.

I sit up and try to hug her but my head spins rapidly and I take deep breaths. Those deep breaths that work for some people don't work for me. All of my energy is gone so breathing isn't simple anymore. All I can hear is the sound of nurses coming in and laying me back down. They put a mask on my face. Then there was nothing.