Scrub | Sope

17

"i don't even know if he likes me like that, yoongi. i mean... i really hope he does. but, i would never hurt him. i would never push him into anything or pressure him."

"that's... that's really sweet. i'm glad you found someone who makes you happy again."

"me too. i think we both did," tae said, smirking, "now tell me about the kiss."

yoongi immediately got nervous, not really wanting to bring up the details.

"well... i just... i really like hoseok. i'm like... really serious about him. i've never been this serious about anyone before, except you."

"...woah. do you think he feels the same?"

"i honestly have no idea. i mean... maybe? i was trying to keep resisting him, but i just couldn't. i told him how much i wanted to kiss him and he just sat there for a moment, processing it. then when i was about to back track and apologize, he just kissed me. i've never been that satisfied by just kissing someone, tae. it was crazy. it felt so fucking good."

"i'm offended," tae said, partially laughing, "are you saying you weren't satisfied kissing me?"

yoongi just laughed and rolled his eyes at taehyung. he was always such a tease.

"i think we both know we work better as friends."

"yeah, for sure. that doesn't mean i didn't enjoy our time together, though."

"tae, when did i say that? i fucking loved dating you, you know that. you were my first real boyfriend."

"i know. i'm pretty irresistible, huh?" tae said, laughing again.

both boys just shook their heads with smiles on their faces, reminiscing about the old times.

"so i guess this means we're really done," tae said.

"really done? with what?"

"flirting... hooking up. whatever we've been doing since we broke up," tae said, laughing, "we're gonna actually commit to people that aren't each other for the first time."

yoongi hadn't ever really mentioned to hoseok that he had hooked up with tae a couple times since they broke up. it wasn't like he was hiding it, but they weren't dating yet so he didn't see a reason to tell him. also, taehyung and him hadn't done it since he started talking to hoseok, so it didn't really matter anyways.

it wasn't like there were still any feelings there. the boys had spent every waking day together for almost a year while they were dating. when they broke it off, they were both ready, but it was hard to one day just decide that you're not going to have sex with the person you've always been with. the thought of not ever doing it again felt... lonely... scary. so they just didn't stop.

"i mean... we haven't done anything like that for months."

"i know. it just... it feels weird that it's officially over, you know?"

"yeah. it is weird."

both boys just sat there, not sure how to feel.

"i knew this was coming. i'm honestly surprised i'm not more upset."

yoongi looked over at him, slightly confused.

"why would you be upset?"

tae sighed, eyes shifting away from him.

"i just... i guess it took me a lot longer to get over you than i care to admit. i didn't even begin to move on until a few months ago... a little while after the last time we had sex."

yoongi just sat there for a moment, thinking over what he said.

"so... every time we hooked up after the breakup... there was still feelings there?"

"...yeah."

"i mean... i understand. it took me months to get over you, too. we had a really strong connection. it's hard to just let it go one day, you know. i think that's why we kept on hooking up like that. we were ready to end it, but we were scared to let it go completely. we were scared of change- scared to be alone."

"...yeah. that's true."

tae sighed and yoongi could hear a hint of sadness in his voice.

"you don't... you don't still have those feelings though, right?"

taehyung just sat there for a minute, thinking, not answering the question as quickly as yoongi thought he would.

"i... i don't think so."

"you don't think so?"

"i just... it's hard to say i'm just completely over you. i mean... we haven't done anything for so long... i don't know. i really do think i'm over you, it's just... i'm scared. i've though i was over you before and then we've had sex or kissed and then the feelings just start up again."

yoongi looked at him, questioning gaze on his face.

"you really like jungkook, right?"

"yes. i really, really like him. i want to be with him so bad."

"...kiss me."

"what?"

"kiss me. make sure the feelings are gone and then you can focus on him. only him."

taehyung hesitated for a moment, scared that he might kiss yoongi and start falling for him all over again.

in the end, he kissed him anyways, knowing he needed to know how he truly felt.

their lips were pressed together firmly, only moving a little bit.

nothing.

he felt nothing.

it wasn't bad or gross, he just didn't feel anything.

taehyung had gotten way more butterflies just talking to jungkook than he was getting while kissing yoongi.

the feelings were gone.

and yoongi knew his feelings for tae were gone, too. the kiss he shared with hoseok made him feel so, so good, while this kiss just felt empty.

the boys parted slowly and stared at the wall in front of them, not saying anything.

"it's gone," yoongi said, "everything we used to have is gone."

"it's crazy. i used to kiss you and it would feel like magic. it's crazy it can just go away- just like that."

there was silence again, until taehyung spoke up.

"but, it feels good to not be confused, you know? to not hold onto something that's not there anymore."

"yeah... it does feel good. it's... closure."

_______________________________

hey guys :/ quarantine life is boring af so i'll try to update again soon.