Felixity (Chanlix FF, english)

-xXChapter 38Xx-

What am I just doing? I can't do that....I really can't do that...what is wrong with me? I need to stop....

„I am sorry", Chan wrote, after cleaning himself and putting clothes on. „Hey do you wanna meet later? I want to apologize you in person." For Felix still being his little toy to fuck, he-what....was he...thinking? WHAT WAS HE THINKING?! Felix a toy?No....no..this can't be happening...NEVER EVER THINK FELIX IS JUST A REASON TO GET HARD.......please not....Chan thought desperatly. However it was Felix's fault. If he wouldnt send him the picture...he would not think of this....Chan felt like he was living into worlds: Guilty and pleasure.

Chan felt still kinda guilty formaking Felix doing such cruel things and always hurt him and Chan felt pleasure when Felix was crying. It was hard to control the two sides and Chan always tend to the side of pleasure than the side of guilty. Felix was his friend but actually he was more than this. Felix was his reason to get hard and like it's the fate of humanity to like sucht hings, Chan was really enjoying it. Pleasure was always stronger then guilt and Chan was desperatly.

Please don't do this to Felix. Don't do it

Felix knew he should meet Chan anymore but like always he was weak against his feelings for Chan. In the end he said yes and was looking forward for Chan. He knew this 'date' will hurt him again but Felix was used to the painful thoughts about his crush. There was no end. The blonde boy was looking inside the mirror and checked his looks. It was fine how he had dressed. Maybe Chan will compliment him because he did so much effort for trying to impress him and in Felix's twisted mind this will happen. Chan will start to like him someday and also Felix was the only one, wich knew about Chans edgeplaykink. He couldn't give up on him. Rather he would die than spending another day trying to kill the feelings for him. His heart was pounding loudly while thinking of Chan. It continued until he was meeting Chan in town and like always he looked breathetaking. His dark hair was so soft and Felix wanted to run his finger on it. His soft pink lips wich he wanted kiss so badly. The brown and warm eyes. Felix felt in love for again. He couldn't get enough of Chan.

And he was trying to kiss him. Right after falling inside his arms. Felix missed him so much and just standing in front of him wasn't enough. Luckily Chan wasn't pushing him away. He was pulling him against his body. After he felt Felix's skin he couldn't resist of kissing him back. Felix lips were so beautiful like him and Chan felt bad for a moment. Kissing him will make everything worse but Chan couldn't help himself anymore. He wanted to kiss him so badly and Felix was not feeling different. He felt how much the blonde boy missed his kisses, how desperatly he was holding Chan's waist. It felt like he was apart from him for such a long time. His bad desicion continued. Chan carassed Felix hair. He knew that stopping now would be the best idea. He knew it but still he was doing the wrong things. Givin gFelix so much love will let him hope for another chance for them. Felix would never accept it. He probably wanted to be a couple and today he will fulfill Felix's little dream of a happy relationship. Well, a relationship without the happy part.

After they broke the kiss, Chan was still holding Felix in his arms, he could his heart racing crazy. „Hey Felix. Look, I am sorry what I did to you.... I am a bad person and I always said not to love me but we both know...you can't stop loving me and I was treating you like shit and I just felt horrible. I am really sorry, Felix." Felix forgot how to seperate a true apologize from a fake one. He just wanted to be happy and Chan was apologizing and maybe this time he really ment it. Chan wouldn't kiss him like this if it was not because of kindness. He was always coming back to him. No matter what happened between them. Felix smiled bright. „It's okay....I haven't been the best, too. I am also sorry for being such a crybaby." Chan carassed his cheek. It was so soft like Felix itself. „So I will try to treat you better now....Felix, do you want to be my boyfriend?"

What? Did he dreamed it? Was Chan really asking him to bis boyfriend? Somebody should pinch him. He just looked at Chan ,being completly unable to speak a word. This is a dream, right? „I will call you baby everyday. I will cuddle you when you need it. I will be a good boy." Chan's voice got soft, as he looked into Felix's beautiful dark eyes. It was like Felix freezed into a statue because he still didn't responded yet. „Felix?". „Y-es...of course", Felix stuttered. Happiness rose and filled every inch of him. A big smile appeared on his lips. Yes, he was the happiest in the world.

Even tought this was based on an excuse for hurting Felix another time, Chan felt kinda happy. It was like he was able to make Felix happy because he knew how badly Felix wanted to be his boyfriend. Sometimes it's better to leave a person in their dreamworld and not crush them with the harsh reality. If he could see Felix that happy, he will try to be good for the longest. He can't garantue it, if he was able to control his kink, when Felix is around but well, he will try his best.

Oh, Chan? Is that you feeling actually guilty? 0: