Chans surely was the crazy kid. "What if I tell you, I have....a knifeplay kink?" He was scared to look inside Feliy eyes. He was even scared to stand in front of him. Chan knew, he was a worthless human being. „Felix, I am sorry....to see you in such a weird way...". Felix have heared about it. Edgeplay is bdsm and it's basically hurting other and getting horny by it. People often use knives to cut and hurt their partners. Did Chan really told him he was into such things? This would actually fit. Chan was always sweet and gentle, when he was crying and calling him baby. It was this kind of Chan Felix always dreamed about but never have seen in reality. So it means...he need to hurt himself to make Chan fall in love with him. If so, he would do it just for him.
„No, darling. It's fine. Don't worry. I am not mad at you....does it mean....there is actually a chance for us?". Felix searched for Chans hand and hold it tightly, feeling the warmth in it. Chan backed off and watched athim very painfully. „No, Felix. There is no chance for us....I don't want to hurt you....I don't want to see you covered in blood and bruises just for my own sake. I am not that worth, you know?" Lies. Lies. Lies. LIES. LIES. Chan imagined Felix being all beat up with beautiful bruises and bloody lips. Bloody lips he wanted to kiss so badly. Feeling how Felix body was fragile like a glass bottle. For Chan this was love but he knew this was not the right way. Felix deserved somebody, wich was normal and didn't want to see him in pain.
„Mental pain is much worser than physical pain, Chan", Felix softly said, putting all his love for Chan in his voice. He should know how much Felix loved him. So much, he would slit his skin wide open and hitting himhardly in his face just for Chan. Everything just for Chan. Felix smiled. It wasn't a smile made of pure happiness. It was smile full of despair. „No means no", Chan said, focusing on Felix weird appearence. His eyes were still red and swolen caused by crying but besides it, Felix looked terribly. Like he was about to go insane. „Are you sure about this, darling? Look at me and tell me...how beautiful I am....hurting myself". Felix clenched his hand into a fist and hit himself against his temple.
It hurted but Felix ignore the pain. He was fully focused on Chan. He will be happy after hurting himself, right? He will love him. But not now. He needed to bleed. He needed to have bruises. „Will...you love me right now?", Felix said hysterically, while still hitting himself on his temple. „Please stop, Felix. I beg you", Chan said and grabbed Felix hand. „Stop it. Don't do something that horrible for me, okay? We can find a way of you getting better. I will promise you." Felix was angry. Why didn't Chan let him do the thing, he was secretly graving for? Why didn't he want to see how he hurt himself just for him? „Stop promise things and let me hurt myself....I want your love, Chan. I just want your love. That's all...and I can't get it.. if we continue like this. Let me do it for you."
„No". Felix pressed his body against Chan, so tightly, so warm. He could feel Chans warm breath, his brown eyes resting on him. His arms, wich are grabbing him tightly. Chan was trembling." "You can also hit me, darling. Do it. I can handle it. If it means you can start loving me." Chan didn't replied. There was just silence between them and Felix sighted. "Are you scared of yourself?", he asked out of nowhere. And that was quesion Chan was never asked himself. He was a monster but was he scared of himself? The answer is yes. Chan was. He was scared by all the pleasure from all the cuts and blood, he always watched on screen. He was scared of being horny caused by Felix's tears. Why was he so attracted by it? Why did it always aroused him and made him into a masturbating mess? Why was he like this?
„Don't be scared of yourself.....if it's what you are...then try to accept it...because it's a part of you....sp please hurt me as much you want. I want to be yours so badly". Felix said, before kissing Chan gently on the lips. This time felt different for Chan. It felt like love. Felix gave him the permission to hurt him. Was Felix stupid? Didn't he knew what he was talking about? He was valunteering him to be his own little experiment. Felix was naive but cute. Unbelievable cute and pretty. A mess. His little mess. „Are you sure? You don't know me...", Chan said, while watching deeply in Felix brown eyes. „You don't know how much I did for you.....". If he would know, he actually killed Minho, Felix wouldn't know how Chan would react. He was kissing the murder of his dead boyfriend.
Chan was ready to fuck Felix's life more up. The blonde boy thought it wouldn't be that harmful for him, just a few bruises and some cuts. It was not a big deal but Chan was more fucked up. It was way more than seing him in pain. Felix needed to cry again, being a mess, because he couldn't deal with the pain anymore. It was his little plan. If Felix really loves him, he would do everything for him. Because seing Felix cut himself smiling and with hope in his eyes, didn't make him horny at all.
One of my favourite chapters <33 :')) It's so beautiful, isn't it? :'DD Felix is reAlLy obsessed with Chan. The thing wich Felix talked is way too true. The thing with the accepting :( Sooo, do you like Felix being like this? :'))))
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Felixity (Chanlix FF, english)
Fanfiction--- Felix loves Chan but Chan loves the idea of people getting hurt-- -- Side ships: Changsung and Minchan
