Chan's words were too real to be fake and maybe Minho was the one, Chan always needed. Not him. Chan didn't need him. He never did. Felix just needed him, more than badly as everything else but things always turning out bad for him. His heart really wanted to see him suffer. Chan loves Minho. Felix told himself. Wasn't it always like this? With Minho by his side Chan tried new things out. Things he never thought off. Minho turned his beloved Chan into something else. Something that ignored him. He fucked things up. Felix knew, but Chan was the first one, who fucked it up. Chan wasn't his boyfriend but a liar. A liar, who wants to see Felix in deep pain. Tears are running, Felix could taste the salty liquid, as they running into his lips. He still loves Chan. So much, he couldn't stop crying.
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„Why can't you just love me? Why can't you touch me like you touched Minho?",Felix asked himself silently, voice completly shaking by sadness. „I did so many things for you to see me....I just told you, I love you and I wanted to be yours....that was all I needed in my whole life... I just needed you.....why didn't you see me but Minho? Why do you hurt me so much, Chan?"Everything is breaking. Every little piece of Felix was saying goodbye to him. He was near leaving and just going home and cry over Chan once more, but then he heared his voice. „Felix?", Chan shouted at him. He saw Felix,wich was standing at the door, like a statue. Don't say my name, when I have to leave you behind, Felix thought while whiping his tears away. Chan shouldn't see him crying because of him. He would tell him to fuck off, if he still knew, that he had' still hard feelings for him. Felix didn't want to see any angry expression of Chan ever again. Calling him a crazy.... just because he loved him so much. It hurted. It really hurted. Felix realized it now. He didnt knew, why he loved Chanso much. Felix just knew he was born in this world to love Chan....Chan was his meaning in life. The answer of everything.
„Come here. I want to talk to you",Chan shouted. Talking always mean bad things and as much he wanted to leave, his deep love for Chan was more stronger than his painfully broken heart. He walked slowly to the bench, sitting down, next to the boy, who'd broken him so badly. „Hey...", Felix said, trying to avoid Chans dark eyes. „I am sorry for avoiding you. I was an idiot back there and I don't want to lose you as a friend." Two shots. Two more bullets of pain. The first thing was Chan friendzoned him again. It will take time until Felix accepted the fact, that this boy wasn't his boyfriend but just a friend. The second thing was he talked about Minho again. The fucker Minho.. „It's okay. I already forgot it...I guess". No, I probably never forget it. It will follows me until the last day. „I am...sorry to hear..your loss...Minho was nice". Minho was an asshole and deserved death. Chan watched at him with a serious expression, folding his hand onto his lap. „Did you ever lost someone?" Felix nodded. „Yes,I am loosing somebody precious at the moment". „I am sorry to hear it." I'm losing you.
The two boys got silent. Each of them stucked inside their own problem, trying to find ways to reach a cure for all the pain they felt. Felix wanted to talk a bit longer. „It was a nice speech. Minho would be happy to hear such sweet words." Chan sighed. „I hope he can hear it and I hope he will understand of why I didn't deserved his love. He was too good to be my boyfriend. I am a bad person, Felix". No. Chan is a very kind and wonderful boy, who loves to laugh and being around his friends. What thing made him think like this? Was it because he loved Minho and didn't try to save him more proberly? Chan still missed Minho a lot. „Why do you think so? You're kind and everybody loves you". „Kindness means nothing", Chan added. „Thank you for the talk, Felix. I hope we still can be friends. Did you lost your feelings for me?"Why did he has to ask this? He wasn'tt supposed to answer this, right? But Chan stared at him with such an intense look, that he couldnt leave. „No...don't worry...everything is alright now", Felix said, lying himelf and Chan. Better lie and hide the truth. Sometimes the truth is way more hurtfull than the lie and he didn't want to cause more pain. If he would lie to himself, maybe his mind will think he didn't love Chan anymore. „That's good. I don't want to lose another friend of mine because their heart decided to love me. Loving me is a bad desicion, Felix."
As if he didn't know it. Loving Chan is a play with knives. One wrong action and the blade of the knive can cut you. Felix already has lots of scars of that kind of play with his broken heart. He knew, there will be added more scars in the future, because he knew, Chan wouldn't love him in the way he did. He always be just his friend. Nothing else. Felix saw Jisung, wich was opening the door of the gym, searching probably for his friend Chan. He saw him, sitting next to Felix. Jisung was glad that Chan made things up with the blonde boy. Felix was such a nice boy and he never understand, why Chan avoided him. Jisung walked towards them. „Oh hey Felix....nice to see you again....Chan...the event is over." Changbin did a good job in cheering his boyfriend up. There wasn't a single tear anymore in Jisung's eye. „Okay. Felix, let's hang out together again, okay? Bye".
Even in english my writing style is full of drama. Who needs the DrAMa? :')) Yeah I've drawn something again :>
About the other ChanlixFF, wich I was planning so far, so one wanted to have a bottom chan and another one wanted switching parts, so yeah I guess I will add both BUT THE VOTING IS NOT OVER YET. You still can vote for it! :) Oh and yeah I will make Jeongho a sideship :'))
