Did Chan just called him stupid? Just because he loved him? And the thing with avoiding him? It really hurt. „Do you really think I am stupid?", Felix asked anxious. Chan loved the expression Felix made. So sad. So perfect. „Yes, because you are stupid enough for loving me. Just idiots love me, like you." Chan watched at Felix as he said those hurtfull things and he was really enjoying it. „Remember, you said I can hurt you and I will do it, stupid Felix". Chan grabbed Felix chin roughly so he had to see him right into his eyes. „So tell me, how should I save you from your love, when it's not my fault but yours? Tell me, stupid Felix". The blonde boy remembered every word he said in the restroom and he was aware that Chan can hurt him badly. He did it many times before but more in the passive way. Now he did it in an active way and it was more painful. Felix was still desperate because he can't forget about the arguement with his parents and now Chan. He knew that Chans needed it but it really hurt him. Chan never wanted to cheer him up, he just wanted to hurt him more. „I don't know, I am sorry", Felix said with his trembling body. Being so close to his loved one was too much. A bit much nearer and he would kiss him but Felix avoided the thought of smashing his lips onto his. He was simply scared of Chan's reaction. „You're sorry? Oh really? Well, I don't care. I told you many times, you should forget your feelings but what did you actually do? Kissed me and begging for another chance, when I told you, there is no fucking chance!, Chans said roughly, while still holding Felix chin up. „I can't stop loving you....", Felix whispered.
He was near breaking again. It was too much. Tears were shining inside his eyes. Felix looked forward to see his precious Chan but he was so rough and cold to him, even tough he knew Chan could be completely different. „You better do". He roughly smashed Felix against the nearest wall. Felix could sense a sharp pain in his head. Chan didn't hurt him just mentally, now he was attacking him physically, too. „P-please stop it... I've got enough problems...please do not make them worse". „You begged me for messing me with you. Should I repeat you? You have to hurt me...then please continue it...if it makes you happy...that what's you said. Are you regreting it now?" Chan looked like he wanted to slap Felix's face.
The fear in Felix eyes was so damn beautiful. He looked so hurt and this made Felix so beautiful. His pain was truly love. „N....no". Chan was not happy with the answer. He wanted to be the reason why Felix suffer so much and if he say he wouldn't regret it, Chan can't be happy and he wanted feel happiness. Chan felt like shit the last days and there was no end in it and now Felix avoided to make him happy, too. Felix was a liar. A shitty liar. Chan grabbed his head and smashed it against the wall. More pain inside Felix head. How could he bare it? Felix didn't know. He wished Chan could just hug him tight and save him from his problems but now he was feeding him with more problems and pain. Why can't he just leave him behind? And he cried. Seeing Felix crying relaxed Chan a bit. "Look at you crying again because you love me", Chan said still roughly and cold. It was like he lost all his kindness. Chan ran his finger trough the smooth blonde hair of Felix. It hurted Felix because Chan put a lot of pressure on the tips of his fingers. „I am sorry". Felix broken 'sorry' made Chan hearts pounding so loud. Felix was so weak and this made him more lovable and Chan couldn't resist of touching him. He slowly got horny. „Sorry doesn'thelp you."
He stared at Felix's tears shining like diamonds and he wanted to kiss them away while fucking him hard. „Have I told you, how beautiful you are, when you're crying? Crying all for me. Just for me only". Chan softened his voice but still holding him roughly. Chan's mood changed again and Felix knew, he was enjoying it. He could feel Chans shaking heads, his boner in his pants. Chan was slamming his crotch agains his, so he could feel all the arousal in Chan. „Look what you fucking did to me", Chan whispered inside Felix's ear. Warm breathe on soft skin. „Will you take responbilities for it, stupid Felix?" Chan was not the only one, who had trembling body. Felix, too. Other than the dark hair boy it didn't came from arousal but of sorrow. He knew Chan could just function this way but it was a hurtful one. Will it always be like this? Leaving him broken behind while he enjoyed it?
If this is the future Felix was scared of it. He wanted to be Chan's lover but if this means he don't get any gently and loving touched from him, what was it for? He wanted to leave him anyways but his heart still can't forget about Chan. Felix was in so much pain but still he unzipped Chan's pants to made him feel better. „So much tears", Chan carassed Felix cheeks and touched the wet skin made from tears. So much beauty. His heart raced as he felt Felix anxious touches on his crotch. He was so scared and Chan loved it. Actually he was imagine him with cuts and blood again. How much more beautiful he would be. Felix will do everything for him. Chan knew it. „Hey Felix? Do you wanna do me a favor? I will reward you, then".
The humanity is falling apart at the moment and everyone's acting crazy like it's the end of the world but I am here to sweeten up your day with a new update! :D Oh, a reward, Chan? What do you want Felix to do for you? ;)) I am sorry, for Felix's mood swings. It was hard to portrait him as a crazy, obsessive dude AND A scared, broken dude 0:
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Felixity (Chanlix FF, english)
Fanfiction--- Felix loves Chan but Chan loves the idea of people getting hurt-- -- Side ships: Changsung and Minchan
