Forever - Kai Parker - The Vampire Diaries

Chapter Eleven - Memories

Mias POV

I can't believe everything that's happened over the space of the last 24 hours. I'm now a vampire and Kai and I kissed. Oh my god. What was I thinking?! But I can't help smiling to myself every time I remember it. How amazing his lips felt against mine. Had we just got caught up in the moment? Probably. But had I enjoyed it? Definitely.
"You okay?" Kai asks me. We're both sat on the sofa again. It's early morning now and Stefan and Damon have gone to stock up on some blood bags for me.
I glance over at Kai and can feel my cheeks flushing slightly. I give him a small smile and he smiles back.
"Yea. Well, as okay as I can be I guess! I mean, I am dead after all."
Kai lifts his hands up and rubs his face. He looks exhausted. "I'm so sorry Mia. This was all because of me..."
"No. Please don't blame yourself Kai." I say, stopping him from continuing. "You had no reason to think anything like this would ever happen. But while we're on the subject of apologies, I think I owe you one." I look at him nervously, biting on my lip. He frowns at me slightly, unsure of what I mean.
"You don't owe me anything Mia." He says softly, shaking his head.
"I do. I left you. All those years ago. I just left and never spoke to you again and I can't help thinking that I had something to do with why you...." I cut myself off. I didn't want to finish what I was saying, but Kai did anyway.
"Murdered my family? You can't blame yourself for that. That was all me. I mean, things definitely got worse after you left. I guess I didn't have anyone I could run to when things at home were bad. And I missed you. A lot. But things would have got worse whether you were there or not. My father made damn sure of that." He said sharply. Anger in his voice as he mentioned his Dad. I remembered back to all the times Kai would arrive at my house in the night. The times he had a split lip, or a black eye. How many years of that he had to endure before he finally snapped that night in 1994.

"I'm not making excuses." He shakes his head, looking at the floor. "Nothing can ever excuse what I did."
As I look at him I can see his eyes filing with tears. He bites on the inside of his cheek to try and stop himself from crying. I reach over and gently touch his hand, causing him to look up at me with those gorgeous blue-grey eyes.
"What happened a little while ago Mia...." he started. "I...."
"It's okay." I cut in. "We were both caught up in the moment. Nothings changed between us Kai." He looks at me and looks like he's about to say something then stops himself.
"Yeah yeah. Nothings changed." He says quietly.

A couple of minutes silence passes between us before I speak.
"So. We never got to catch up properly back in 1994. Do you fancy grabbing that coffee still?" I ask him, a soft smile creeping over my face as he shows that trademark smirk Is missed so much.
"Sounds like a good idea. Hopefully this time no evil plans will stop us!" He laughs, then realises it's probably lot an appropriate joke to make until I start to laugh along with him.
"Well, why don't we do it now? You know... just in case..." I say with a smile. His eyes light up and he nods furiously.
"Come on then." I say jumping from the sofa. "You owe me a coffee Kai Parker!" We both laugh and head for the door.

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Kai's POV

As we walk into the coffee shop, I look over at Mia. She looks perfect. No one could ever guess what she's been through the past 24 hours. I can't help being even more intrigued by her now that she's a vampire. Vampires were something I never even knew existed until I ended up sharing a prison world with one! She had that same sweet smile she had when we were younger. When I had fallen for her all those years ago. She had been the only person who ever really tried to understand me. She always just let me be me. She never once tried to change who or what I was. I still remember that first time I showed her my powers. I was so terrified that she would run away and never speak to me again, but she didn't. She was completely enchanted by what I was showing her. Not the smallest bit of fear in those gorgeous brown eyes of hers.

I sighed to myself, probably louder than I had realised, as she looked over at me and gave me a questioning look.
"Everything okay?" She asks me as we find a table to sit at.
"Yeah. Everything's perfect." I smile.
Only an hour ago, we had kissed for the first time. If you don't count that ridiculous attempt at kissing her just before she ran away for 4 years. But it was clear that she regretted it. That she still didn't want to be any more than friends. And if that was all I could have from her, I'd take that over ever losing her again completely.
Those moments last  night when I thought I was truly going to lose her for good were the most painful I'd ever experienced. Despite my years of abuse, both physically and mentally from my own father and most of my family. That I could handle. Losing her was not an option.
When she had woke up, gasping for air, I thought I was dreaming. But no. She was alive. Well, in a sense anyway. But what she was now was better than not being here at all.

"You look seriously deep in thought." She says, reaching across the table and hooking one her fingers with mine.
"Just thinking about everything that's happened."
She sighs softly. "Kai. Please stop blaming yourself." She begs me, her eyes sparkling from the sunlight shining through he window we're sat by.
"Sorry." I mumble quietly. "I just don't know what I would have done if I'd lost you. Again."
She smiles sweetly at me, giving an understanding nod. "So, we do need to catch up. I know it's a bit late, but what was life like for your in those few years I was away from Portland?" She asks me. My smile fades and she notices. "Sorry. If you don't want to..."
I cut her off  "No. it's okay. I don't mind talking to you about it."

"Pretty much just after you left things started getting worse at home. I resented Dad for sending Jo to college and not me. I ended up as pretty much a glorified babysitter to the younger kids. I had no life. No friends. I guess I became a bit antisocial."
She chuckled.
"What?" I ask her.
"You were always antisocial!" She chuckles again and I laugh back. She was right.
"Okay. But I guess even more so. I stopped going out. I spent most of my time in my room listening to music. My Dad had even more reasons to put me down. I wasn't just an abomination. I was a complete waste of time and space in his eyes."
I looked at her briefly to try and gauge what she was thinking. She looked sad.
"Did you ever... I mean. After I left, did you have any girlfriends at all?" I quirked an eyebrow at her in response. It wasn't a question I was expecting, but I guess it was a normal thing to ask.
"No. Never." I muttered under my breath, looking down at the table, embarrassed.
"Hey. It's okay. There's nothing to be ashamed of Kai." She smiled reassuringly at me. I nodded in reponse and continued.

"So things were just about ticking over when you turned up back in Portland. I'd just found out that week that my Dad never had any intentions of letting me merge with Jo. He was too scared that I would win and that I would destroy the coven. Coven comes first, as he always used to say."
"I'm so sorry Kai. I had no idea you'd gone through all of that. Life must have been pretty awful." She said, looking at me with soft eyes.
"It was. And if I'm honest, just for a minute when I saw you in O'Reillys that night, I thought everything could be different. Everything could go back to how it used to be. When I got home that night, Jo was back for the weekend from college and I bumped into her in the kitchen. She asked me why I was looking so happy. I told her I'd seen you and we were meeting for coffee the next day. She just laughed at me. She stood there and laughed right in my face. When I asked her why she was laughing, she told me I was delusional. That you would be going straight back to Mystic Falls and things would be exactly the same as they had been for the last 4 years. She mocked me, telling me I needed to get over the fact that you were happy and didn't need me in your life anymore. That's when I lost it." I pause for a few seconds.  Swallowing a gulp of air before I force myself to continue telling her what had happened that night.

"It was like a switch had flicked in my brain. I felt so angry and I couldn't control it. I grabbed the first thing I could, which was my Dads hunting knife, and slashed at her side. She screamed out in pain and started throwing more abuse at me. That's when I told her I was going to make all of them pay...."
I don't need to explain everything that had happened after that. She knows all the details from the news she'd seen the following day. I look up at her. She has tears in her eyes. She thinks I'm a monster. Of course she does. What else had I expected?
"I'm sorry Kai." She says quietly.
"It's okay. I understand if you don't want anything to do with me Mia. I wouldn't either." I look away from her, ashamed.
"No. I'm sorry that happened to you Kai. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. And for the record, I wouldn't have just left you again." She squeezes my hand and give me a look that tells me everything is okay. And for a moment, I believe her.