Confused Love

Chapter 8

Bringg. Bringg.

I look up from my cookie dough.

"CONNORRRRR. CAN YOU GET THAT."

I continue rolling out the dough while the phone is ringing and then I finally hear Connor dragging himself out of his room grumbling about something. The phone beeps indicating that Connor picked up. Connor talks into the phone sounding bored and tired.

"Hello... William's residence..."

Silence.

Then I hear Connor's voice perk up and have a hint of surprise and happiness.

"Mom?"

I stop rolling the dough to listen for the other side.

"Wow what? Really??"

I turn around and whisper to Connor.

"What did she say?"

Connor hushes me and waves me off but I walk over to him and put my ear next to his. Connor's not having it so I frown and step back. But Connor's face falls.

"......When?"

I'm concerned. What did Mom say?"

Connor blinks fast and bites his thumbnail. What he does when he's sad.

"......okay...... yeah.... we will Mom... ok bye."

Connor sets down the phone and I look at him, concerned.

"What did she say?"

Bear whimpers and licks Connor's face, feeling his sadness.

"Mom said.... Mom said Grandpa....., " He takes a shaky breath, "Grandpa.."

I understand what he's trying to say. I gasp, the ocean crashing inside me. Bear whimpers more and I hug Connor, our tears flooding out silently but painfully. Connor cries, his body shaking, allowing himself to be vulnerable. He wraps his arms tightly around me and sobs his tears into my shoulder.

––––––––––––

I look around and all I see is black. The dresses. The ties. The suits. The streaks of mascara.

Grandpa's name was Felix Williams. He was my dad's father. The starter of Dad's famous Brain hospital (wtf.. im sorry im dumb af). He was a genius but never lost his love for the family like Dad has. Connor absolutely loved him. Grandpa would help Connor with his love of designing 3D models. They would make wooden models. And every month he would visit and bring glue together models.

Grandpa and I also shared interests. He loved old timey movies and always made us watch them. We didn't want to at first. But they were amazing. Not only did we watch movies together, he always helped me bake. Baking was another of his passions and he was amazing at it. Not only baking but cooking too. He could taste something from a restaurant and recreate it after a couple months, making it taste and look better.

He was the best of neurosurgeons. The best of carpenters. The best of chefs.

Connor was so close with Grandpa. Grandpa was the one person who could make Connor's grumpy mood happy and cheery.

I wish we could get him back.

I wish he were here.

––––––––––––

I think Connor is in his room with Bear. The funeral is at my Grandpa and Grandma's giant house. It's bigger than ours. They have two rooms set aside for me and Connor when we visit and even one for Mom and Dad. Mom and Dad are next to Grandma and some of Grandpa's friends. My cousins and uncles and aunts are all here but I've never been so close to them. Several of my mom's and dad's friends are here too. Some are talking about all the happy memories and some are sobbing together. Overall the mood of the funeral is not that sad.

I feel claustrophobic so I decide to sit outside with a small sandwich. I'm silently nibbling on my sandwich when I hear someone open the door. I turn around and James is there. His mom is my mom's best friend and we're best friends but I kinda forgot he came to the funeral. We make eye contact for a few seconds then James looks away and sits down next to me. I look down at my sandwich. James steals glances at me from time to time but mostly looks down at his shoes.

There's too much going on in my head right now so I stand up and leave James. I can feel his eyes on me and I know he feels betrayed and hopeless. But I do it anyways.