Finding Purpose

Insight

It felt strange being back in my flat. I'd always had that homely feeling when I got back to the familiar safety of my own place. It was small and it was a bit too cluttered for my own good, but it was mine and it was home. Now, walking through the rooms and breathing in the florally scent of the plug in air freshener, brought me no comfort. It wasn't feeling much like home now. It was alien to me, as though it belonged to a past life, something that I could no longer connect with. Passing the sofa I replayed the moment that I found out about Reia and Joey, and felt a lump rising in my throat. I saw the photos that I had on the coffee table and allowed my gaze to linger on them for a moment, the various photos of myself and Reia at various stages of growing up, and some of the family snaps that we'd taken, including the picture from last christmas.

"You two were nearly impossible to tell apart." Justin said, his eyes landing on the photos.

"Yeah, even our mom had trouble telling the difference." I smiled, remembering how many times she would confuse us as kids.

Of course we loved it, being able to pull the old classic twin switcheroo, especially in school.

"What happened to your mother? I read on your sister's file that she had passed." He said, before seeing my confused expression and adding, "We were looking for her next of kin."

"Of course." I said in realisation, bouncing Wyatt a little higher up my hip to get a better grip on him, and inclining my head towards the sofa to suggest that we sit down. "We were twenty-four and living in a flat together, Joey too. We got a call that our mother had been taken into hospital, she'd had a fall a few days earlier, she didn't think it was serious. She didn't make it back out of the hospital."

I sat down next to him, spinning Wyatt to sit on my knee.

"I'm sorry, that must have been hard for you both. I lost my father three years ago." Justin said, looking at the childhood photo of me and Reia with our parents. "He was hit by a car whilst crossing the road. Driver was texting, not paying attention."

I reached out a hand, resting it on his arm that was draped over his knee, and squeezing it lightly.

"I'm sorry." I said softly, knowing that the words themselves were never going to convey the comfort that was meant by them.

"Thank you." He said with a small smile. "Where is your father?"

A cold laugh broke free and I shrugged.

"Not a clue. Me and Reia haven't seen him since we were kids. After he and mom divorced, we gradually saw less and less of him until he totally vanished."

"Did you ever try to track him down? Like when your mom passed?"

"No, their marriage ended, we knew that she wouldn't have wanted him contacted, so we didn't try."

Their marriage hadn't ended on the best of terms, it wasn't bad, but it had certainly been on the icy side. There was no way that she would have wanted to have him summoned back into our lives on her part. We'd been used to his absence for a long time before that day came.

"Forgive me for overstepping, but, shouldn't he maybe know that he's just lost one of his daughters?"

I chewed the inside of my lip for a few seconds whilst the words sank in. I hadn't even had a chance to think about our father, not that it would have naturally occured to me, given how much time had passed. I didn't imagine that he'd even remember us by now. Probably happily set up with a new family somewhere, me and Reia remaining as a long distant memory. I couldn't deny that Justin had a fair point though. He was still technically our father, and I knew that, no matter what may have happened over the years, if it was me, I'd want to know.