Finding Purpose

Bewilderment

"We thought you'd got lost... or abducted." Justin said.

"How are there so many options?" I asked, feeling as though my entire body had gone into shock.

Wyatt's giggle sounded next to me, and I turned to see him sitting happily in Justin's arms. They made quite the adorable little pair, and I was relieved that they were both here. Justin handed him over to me, along with the teddy bear, which I promptly jiggled in front of Wyatt, much to his amusement.

"When in doubt, stick with the simplest options." He said, reaching forwards and picking up some wipes from the shelf, and holding them up for me. "The less ingredients the better, as natural as you can get them."

I nodded and Justin took the basket from where it sat at my feet. He tossed the wipes into it, and then turned for the nappies.

"Do you remember which nappies he had at home?"

I scanned the shelf, looking for the familiar packaging. Near the top, I saw the familiar pale blue coloured pack and pointed it out to Justin.

"I think it was those."

He nodded, reaching up to pick them up, his t-shirt riding up as he stretched, flashing his toned abs. Caught by surprise, I couldn't stop myself from looking. He rummaged the packs, looking for the right size, then with a small sound of success, he picked one up and lowered back down.

"These should be the right size for the little fella." He said, holding them up, and then dropping them into the basket.

"Now, formula." I added with dread.

We walked down the aisle a little further, stopping before a huge display of baby formula and bottles. Seeing yet another never ending selection, I was about ready to turn tail and run. But Justin seemed to have sensed that and reached out, plucking a blue container from the shelf.

"May I make a suggestion?" He asked.

"Oh, please do!"

He chuckled and showed me the container.

"My brother and sister have both used this brand, they've never had any issues with it at all."

"Then it's a done deal." I sighed, already looking forward to getting out of the damn aisle.

He agreed and placed it into the basket, beginning to walk further down the aisle, me and Wyatt following after him.

"That's twice you've saved me today."

Justin opened the boot and placed the shopping bag inside.

"These kinds of things can be overwhelming for anyone. Most people are prepared for it, and still find it hard. You've not had any preparation, it's not surprising that it's tricky to grasp. You're doing well."

"I'm just scared that I will mess something up, or that I'll let him down." I said, opening the door and lowering Wyatt into the seat.

I hadn't really meant to say those words, even though they were true. I saw Justin's understanding expression, a tinge of sadness in his eyes, and I busied myself with buckling Wyatt in, attempting to avert my gaze to avoid any awkwardness. There was silence, and then the sound of the boot closing. I stayed still, hiding there under the pretence of handing him his bear. When I heard the front door close, I felt it was safe to get back out. Exhaling the breath that I was holding in, I climbed back into the passenger seat, and closed the door behind me. I'd just buckled up my seatbelt, when I felt Justin's hand on my forearm. Tilting my head up automatically, I saw that he was looking intently back at me.

"You will mess up. Every parent, guardian, uncle, aunt... teacher, they all fuck up. But the important thing is to never give up. Take it on the chin, learn from it, and press on. As long as you do that... you'll never let him down."

He sounded so sure of what he was saying. As though it wasn't a mere opinion, as much as factual evidence. I could tell from the way he spoke, that he wholeheartedly believed every word of what he said, and not just the words that came out of his mouth... I felt like he believed in me too. And it was possibly one of the most touching and motivational things that had ever happened to me.