Love, Loss and Living

Promises Part 9

When Bette and Tina began their relationship, Bette had years of practice hiding her emotions behind a wall. To the world, Bette was this a confident, strong, self assured woman, but in reality she was sensitive and insecure. The wall was built for self preservation as she navigated a difficult and complicated upbringing. Melvin Porter, was a domineering, self made man, who had an eye for the women. He had cheated with Bette's mom on Kit's mom and then cheated on Bette's mom. Melvin had put conditions on his love with Bette. Kit had once asked her "What do you have to trade to fill his pride?"  The self loathing Bette had when she cheated on Tina came from a fear that she was becoming her father. Maxine Porter, was a whimsical artist, who fell apart when she learned of Melvin's infidelity. Bette's emotional sensitivity came from her mother as well as her love of art. Her mother left during Bette's formative years, to never be heard from again. The loss of her mother, who understood the sensitive Bette, led to a sense of insecurity and abandonment that from then on impacted her relationships. Bette's time as a player stemmed from a fear of commitment due to what she believed to be eventual abandonment. For some reason, something she never fully understood, when Tina Kennard came into her life and Bette stole that first kiss, her fears seemed to melt away. Tina slowly brought down her walls.  Bette was eventually able to fully experience her emotions, something she never allowed herself to do.  Bette recalled the first time they were intimate and the first kiss after a long separation in SheBar where Bette cried from the overwhelming emotions that she only felt for Tina. The reassuring kisses that Tina gave conveyed an unspoken promise to never leave, a promise never kept. Piece by piece, slowly over years, she broke it and Bette's heart with it.  Her eyes began to well up, a solitary tear formed and then slowly made its way down her face.  Am I holding on to something that is not coming back? She asked herself.  "I don't know how to accept that it's lost.  When is this nightmare going to be over," she thought as the tears began to fall more freely from her eyes. 

Bette shook her head, trying to shut off the thoughts that only brought her broken heart to the surface.  She wiped her face in frustration.  I need to stop this, she thought.  She leaned down and grabbed her laptop, hoping that reading and answering emails would distract her troubled mind.  She slowly scrolled through the emails, answering when she could.  Towards the end of her new emails, she saw one from Lisa Wright that had been forwarded from Tina.  It was a first print of an article about the Lez Girls class.  Bette shook her head, God, please give me a break. The article was pretty basic talking about the class and the goals for presenting it.  And there it was at the bottom, her name next to Tina's, Shane's, Alice's and Jenny's.  Bette took a deep breath.  Sometimes I wish I had never gone into politics, she thought.  All four women were well accomplished and known, so it was natural that they would be brought up by name during the course of this class.  Bette stared at the email trying to sort out her feelings and thoughts about this class and how she would manage the eventual inquires. 

***********
The limousine was waiting as expected when Bette arrived in New York.  She would be staying with Peggy at her insistence.  Bette didn't mind as it gave her time to catch up with both Peggy and Helena.  And in reality, Peggy's penthouse apartment would be far more luxurious than any hotel.

Bette walked into the foyer and as she set her bags down she heard her name called out.

"Bette," Helena, a striking tall brunette with long hair that cascaded on her olive skinned shoulders, called out in her thick British accent, as she walked over with her arms open. "It's been too long."

"It's been a year," Bette smiled and hugged her friend back. "How's Dylan?"

"Dylan's fine. She couldn't make the trip with me. She is in the middle of post production, well you know how it is." Helena said in acquiescence.