Hardest To Love⚜🌄

chapter 32

(please put this song on repeat for this chapter: "Agust" by Olafur Arnalds)

Becky's p.o.v:

He is dead

Just when i was finally getting somewhere in my whole damn life and actually making my own family, of course something had to happen

It's life right?
I wiped off my tears

It's been 6 months

6 damn months

I honestly don't know how to feel
I feel empty

Repeating the same damn routine everyday

Waking up
Going to work
Eating
Going home
Sleeping

And of course I've had hardships on the last one since that day

I haven't had a good sleep ever since-...

I paused my thinking and took a deep breath

I was staring at my coffee on the kitchen table

I called in sick,but I'm not sick

Hailee (my boss)told me i could call in sick anytime i didn't feel like to work

And today was that kind of a day. A day were i would go around the house, laying here and there...

Thinking about him

Thinking about all of it

Reliving it all

Like a fantasy, like it was all a movie

People tell me that i should let go of it already. That I'm just hurting myself in this way. But do you really blame me?

I've had this fear of losing him ever since i told him i loved him in that damn surgery room

And look what happened now.

It's been 6 months since I've seen that beautiful face of him, his deep hazel gorgeous eyes, his perfect curls, his attractive smile

I smiled while a tear slipped on my cheek

I was laying on my bed staring at the ceiling when it hit me again....all of it

The memories of the day he left us....

They did experiments on the burnt body and it matched Austin's DNA

Even doc did experiments on the body's DNA himself bc he didn't trust them

I had hope back then,that it wasn't his body, that it was someone else, it wasn't him

But Doc confirmed the lab tests too.

That was when it hit us all.

I don't wanna go over how difficult and hard it was for us the first month

Michele, me, the boys, the families

The whole funeral

God it was so hard, we would faint out of nowhere due to lack of food or energy or even crying so mcuh and people would take us to hospitals.... Let's not recall those days

I visit the boys and Michele once a week... they're just the same as me

Feeling empty
Depressed
Not to know what to do