Boundaries

Epilogue.

Some Time Ago

I can't believe she's making me do this.

Fucking therapy.

There was no point really.

No amount of time or patience could really get someone on the outside to understand how I was feeling on the inside.

But Jo insisted.

So, I agreed to ONE session.

One.

That's it.

When it's my turn to speak, the woman, Karen I think her name is, asks me to stand.

"Hi. I'm Hero." I say numbly.

"Hello, Hero." Everyone responds, causing me to roll my eyes.

I look over at Karen and she gives me an encouraging smile.

I clear my throat. "I um... I guess you could say I'm a survivor."

I remind myself in the back of my mind to not go into too much detail, knowing that the Faceless were still an active gang in the area, and I didn't need to blow my cover.

I swallow hard. "I had a rough childhood. I guess things that happen in your childhood can cause a lot of damage in your adulthood. I think I always knew that. Perhaps it was the driving force of many of my actions. My mum was never around, and my dad left. I relied heavily on my brother for survival, until he died when I was 18. By then, I knew the ropes of survival. I could get by on my own if I had to. I found myself struggling to want to, however. My brother was my best friend. The only person I ever loved. When my mum found out he had died, she disowned me. Blamed me. I resented her for it. I did things I knew were wrong, but somehow, I convinced myself it was right. Like stealing money from an old man because I thought 'what the hell, he's going to die off sooner or later, and my life is more important than his'. But it wasn't really. I never thought my life was important. Until... her."

I smile softly at the thought of my reason to keep going. My will to live.

"Who?" Karen softly coaxes.

"Jo." I simply say. "She's um, the best thing that's ever happened to me really. Without her, I wouldn't have a reason to keep going. I know that sounds crazy but believe me when I say I've never felt more alive than I have with her. I've never felt more like myself. And I never really knew who 'myself' was. I was in such a dark oblivion without her light, and now that I've found the light, I've found myself in an entirely new universe."

"It seems as though you've found someone good amongst all the bad." Karen nods. "The way a person makes you feel says a lot about them."

I quickly nod. "She's wonderful. I don't think she knows how truly amazing she really is. She... she taught me to love again."

I look around me, into the eyes of complete strangers who have found themselves entirely submerged in my redemption.

I suddenly feel as though I'm on the outside looking in, feeling nothing but sorrow for these people. I doubt any of them have known any feeling as powerful as what I feel for Jo.

"I know what you're all thinking." I laugh slightly. "I'm just some mad man who's gotten himself pussy whipped."

I hear Karen clear her throat uncomfortably and I quickly apologize. "The truth is, I had spent a long time building up these walls. Creating boundaries. I had demons, and I was losing my grip on reality. It wasn't until Jo that, I felt safe to slowly break down my walls. I realized that boundaries are a part of our healing process. She had her own. Sure, it was hard to overcome them, but we did it together. I stopped looking for reasons to stop living and decided I would only live for her."

I catch Karen checking the time on the watch wrapped around her wrist, and I can only imagine my time was running out.

"If there's anything I can leave you with, I guess it's this," I clear my throat. "If you are searching for a reason to leave, stop. The search is the reason. There have been plenty of times when I've wanted to run away from my problems because I felt it was the easy way out, but that's just it. I've found my strength in overcoming my fears. Overcoming those boundaries. Your desire to change must be greater than your desire to stay the same. And I did change. For the better. For her. That's why I'm standing in front of all of you right now. For her. Everything I do, will always be for her. Yes, I am a survivor. And I will continue to survive. For her."