Boundaries

I Still Love Him.

One Month Later

"Today is a milestone. It tells how far you've come. Keep learning, keep trying, keep accomplishing, and keep venturing on through your journey. Nelson Mandela once said, 'it always seems impossible until it's done', and congratulations to the Royal College of Art's graduating class of 2020. You've done it."

The audience erupts into a fit of cheers as the headmaster steps away from the podium.

One by one, each student is escorted towards the stage, then called up to shake a bunch of hands and receive their diploma.

I feel nothing but relief when I've come and gone off that stage, wanting this day to be over with.

Even though my memories of going to school here aren't so terrible, the idea of staying in London for much longer is a weight dragging me down.

I could feel his presence everywhere, even though he physically wasn't here.

I imagine how this day would have went if he were, him standing up and cheering my name as I walked across the stage. Perhaps he would have brought me flowers or taken me to dinner.

We could have gone back to his studio and begun our future together.

Maybe I would've moved in with him full time while I continued my internship at the museum.

None of that matters now though.

I didn't know what I was going to do, but as long as I was far away from London, I figured that would be a good place to start.

Khadijah meets me towards the back of the venue, smiling softly as she pulls me in for a hug. "Congratulations."

"You too." I force a smile back.

"Is he um..." She starts to ask, but I stop her when I shake my head.

Khadijah frowns. "I'm sorry, Jo."

"I wasn't expecting him to show up in some grand gesture or anything. Honestly, I'm glad he didn't. The longer we're apart, the more concrete my decision is about wanting to get out of this hell hole."

I watch as Khadijah opens her mouth to respond but hesitates. Her brow furrows and she looks defeated.

"What's wrong?" I ask her.

"Well, I have some good news... but it can also be bad news depending on how you look at it..."

I try to figure out what she could be referring to for a moment before my eyes widen. "Oh Khadijah... please tell me you're not-"

"No!" She frantically shakes her head. "No, um... I'm moving back to New York."

Internally, my heart sinks at the thought that I'm actually losing my best friend. But it would be selfish of me to say so given my own plans to leave.

I can tell she notices something is off about my demeanor, so she continues. "I was offered an internship under a designer on a huge movie set. This could be my big break! Alex is coming with me too... I think we both feel it's best to leave our past in the past and get going with our futures. I really love him and what I do, Jo."

I nod my head, letting her know that I was listening while I'm deep in thought.

Would I be lucky enough to leave my past behind?

Did I have the strength like Khadijah did?

I wish I could say we were similar in the fact that we've both been through something traumatizing recently, and while that may be true, our lives were in completely different stages.