Good Company

Chapter 23

~December 8th 1975~ 

Dark. Dark is good. Dark means I'm alone. Alone is good. Alone means I am safe. Safe is good. Safe means Paul isn't here. Dark is good. Stay in the dark. Stay down. Don't get up. Getting up means pain. Pain is not good. Stay down instead. Don't move. Don't move. Don't feel. Feeling is bad. Feeling means pain. Pain is not good. Pain is bad. Very bad. 

The door opened slightly, making light pour into the room. 

Light is bad. Light is bad! Stay down. Calm down. Don't move. Don't let him know you're awake. Don't let him know you're here. Light means pain. Pain is bad. Stay down. 

Roger pulled up his knees and covered his head with his arms, shivering. 

Pain is bad. He might not notice. He must not notice. You're asleep. You're asleep. Not that that stopped him before. You're asleep. Hurts less. Pain is bad. Light is bad. Light means Paul. Paul is bad. No. Paul is good. Paul is good to me. Paul took me in. He loves me. Paul loves me. Paul cares about me. Paul is good. Light is bad. Pain is bad. Paul means pain. Paul is not bad. Pain is bad. 

Someone stepped into the light, blocking some of the rays from lightening the room. The breathing slowed down a little, only to fasten again. 

Paul is good. Paul is nice. Paul gives me food. Paul loves me. Pain is bad. Light is bad. Light is gone. Paul is here. Paul is nice. Paul means I'm not safe. Safe is good. Unsafe is bad. Paul is bad. No, Paul is good. Dark is good. Please close the door. Stop the light. Go away. Pain. Pain is bad. 

A faint voice got through to Roger, but he couldn't hear the words. 

Voice. Not Paul. Who... Familiar. Paul? No, not Paul. I only know Paul. Not familiar. Stranger. Stranger is bad. Paul is good. Words? Roger. Alright? I am not alright. I am not Roger. I had a name. What is my name? Pain is bad. Stranger is bad. Stranger means light. Light is bad. Light means pain. Where is Paul? 

The person spoke again, and came closer. Roger pressed his body closer to the corner and whimpered. 

No! Stay away! Away! Stranger means pain. Pain is bad. I don't like pain. Paul is good. Light is bad. I want the dark. Stranger must go. Light hurts. Pain hurts. Paul hurts. Pain is bad. 

'Roger. It's me.' 

Familiar. Not stranger? Stranger is bad. Not stranger is good? I don't know... 

Roger lifted his head slightly and eyed the person in the room. He quickly turned back, though, scared. 

'Roger, it's me. Brian.' 

Brian? Voice's name is Brian. Why does he keep calling me Roger? I am not Roger. I don't know my name. My name is Honey. Paul calls me Honey. Honey is bad. Means pain. Pain is bad. Paul is good. 

'Roger, I'm not going to hurt you, okay? You are safe.' 

Safe is good. But dark is safe. It's not dark so I'm not safe. Light means pain. 

'Roger, I called an ambulance, is that alright? You are in pain, the medics can help you.' 

But I can't leave. I am not allowed. I can't. I am not free. I am tied to the floor. I can't leave. I am in pain. Am I? Pain is bad. Medics can help. Help is good. Pain is bad. No pain is good. Medics are good. 

Roger sat up a little, still hiding his face with his arms. 'Help?' 

The person called Brian sat down, about five meters away, and smiled at him. 'Yes. Medics can help. You are safe now, Roger.' 

Not safe. It's a trap. Paul's trap. He will hunt me down. I'm not safe. It's a trick. It's a trick. 

'Roger? Do you recognise me?' 

You're Brian. Brian sounds familiar. I knew a Brian. Brian was good. Brian was nice. Brian loved me. Paul is also nice. Paul loves me. It's a trap. It's a trick. Brian is not here. It's a trick. He can't be. He left me. Brian left me. Brian is gone. It's not real. It's not real.

'You are not real. You are not Brian.' 

'Yes I am. I'm so sorry, Roger. So sorry for what he did, sorry for not protecting you. I'm here now. I will keep you safe. He can't hurt you anymore.' 

Not real. Not real. Brian is not here. Brian is gone. It's a trap. Paul will be back soon. Paul is good. Paul loves me. Brian loves me. It's a trick. Brian left. Brian does not care. Paul cares. Paul loves me. Brian doesn't love me. It's not real. It's a trick. Brian is a trick. 

'You are a trap. Go away. You are not real. Stop haunting me! Brian left! Brian is gone! Go away!'

'Roger, I am real. I won't hurt you. You are safe now. Please don't struggle, the medics are here to help.'

No. Don't go. I can't go. I am stuck here. Paul loves me. Brian is not real. Brian is a trap. Stop touching me! What are you doing? Don't touch me! Light is bad. Dark is good. Stranger is bad. Brian is bad. Brian left. Brian is gone. What is that? Why is there a thing in my arm? Get it out! Go away! Go! I... Paul? Paul is good... 

They finally got Roger onto a carrier after drugging him. Brian got into the ambulance with him, and held Roger's hand in his own. 

'You're safe now, love. I'm here.'