Ever since, New York [h.s] AU

45 || FRIENDS

"It's not your fault." Ben coaxed, rubbing his thumb on the back of my hand. Three days have passed since the whole paparazzi and online ordeal, I haven't used my phone at all despite the many calls and messages I've received.

Thankfully, Alice told me her dad allowed me to take a week off work on the excuse that I had some personal issues. Obviously they wouldn't be paid but I wasn't getting paid enough to worry about not showing up for a week.

"I feel like it is though." I admit. I have been blaming myself since it happened. "I feel like everyone hates me."

"Who would do that though?" Ben asks. "I mean, someone must've known who you are to do that." I shrug, feeling myself get more guilty by the second.

"I feel like I should apologize to you," I say, looking up to him to see him with a raised eyebrow. "The night you and I had sex, that was the night Harry and I kissed." I avoid his gaze, I didn't want to see him looking at me in disgust or disappointment, but when he gives a soft chuckle, I look back to him.

"Well then I guess I've got to thank him." Ben says catching me off guard. "If it wasn't for him, you and I wouldn't be were we are."

"You're not mad at me?" I ask in disbelief. He had every right to be, I know I would if I found out something like that. I basically used him, and here he is telling me that he should thank Harry for it.

"Of course not, I really like you Kat. I know you don't want to rush things, maybe you don't even feel the same way. But I really hope that one day you do." He says. "I mean, I buy a plane ticket every month to come see you for a week, that's how much I like you." He smiles.

It's true. Ben is a great guy - and I do know that not every guy I meet is going to be like Ethan, maybe the reason Ethan and I didn't work out was because we rushed into things. Maybe it won't be like that again with Ben, he does seem to be genuinely interested in me and I in him.

So what the hell was holding me back from him?

Harry's dumb face pops in the back of my head. No. He and I will never be more than friends. What happened was a mistake, he's probably already on his honeymoon on some private island with Kendall.

You know what? Fuck it. If Ben can be my chance at being happy with someone whom I can belong to and can fully commit to me without any other girl getting in the way, then so be it. "I want to be with you." I say, looking into his eyes.

The small smile he had turned wider as he realized what I said. "Really?" He questions making me nod with a laugh. At this, he leans into me, his left hand clasping around my cheek as his soft warm lips pressed against mine.

As I lean into Ben for a hug, the doorbell rings making me groan, ready to stand up but Ben stops me. "I'll get it." He says, kissing my temple as he stood up in the process.

I let my back hit the soft couch as I looked up to the ceiling. I know Ben will be good to me. This was enough to cheer me up, but as my phone went off with a notification, it brought me back to what I was upset about prior to this small blissful moment.

"Kate?" I hear a raspy deep voice making me sit up as I realized who it was. Before me, Harry stood in a black hoodie and sweats. His hair was pushed back into the hood and there were black bags under his eyes. He was also wet from the rain outside.

I don't say anything as Ben stands next to him. "I'm going to give you two time alone. I'll be upstairs." And with one last sympathetic smile my way, Ben leaves.

Harry seems thankful for Ben's parting as he lets out a breath. No one speaks for what feels like forever and I instantly know that the reason he is here is because of what happened.

I brace myself for what was coming next. He was probably going to yell at me and cuss me out, telling me how much he hates me for ruining his wedding with Kendall and probably even his life.

I open my mouth to speak though not a single sound came out but I try again anyways. "I'm sorry." I say, the lump in my throat trying to force it's way out. "I swear I didn't do anything."

At this, Harry's eyebrows furrow as he watches me deteriorate before him. He walks closer and sits on the coffee table in front of me. "I know." He says, grabbing my warm hands in his cold ones. "I know it could never be you."

"I don't know how any of this happened," I reply. "If I knew any of this could ever happen I wouldn't have left the house that night." As I say this, Harry scoots back a bit. "It only ruined both of our lives."

"If anything, I should be apologizing to you. It was my fault. I let myself be overcome by emotion, the wedding and the tour was adding onto my stress. I've been going through some shit, Kate. I've been so - confused. I thought I wanted to be with Kendall but now? Since that happened, it was almost like a relief."

I wipe the moisture from under my eyes while sniffing. "How did she take it?"

"Well, after things went to shit on the internet, the morning of Kendall called it off with me. Said I finally lost any chance of ever being with her again and she'd never take me back." He says, looking up at me. "But I didn't care. Now, my management is working hard on trying to find out how it started. I have to give an official statement on the matter to get things to calm down. But before that happens, I came here to see how you were doing."

"Me?" He just lost his fiancé on his wedding day and he flies home just to see how I was holding up? "Harry, what does that matter? Her family and fans must be giving you shit."

He shrugs, a small smile on his lips. "What are they going to do to me? Ban me from watching their show?" He mocks making me giggle.

He always finds ways to make other people laugh, even when he's hurting.

"It is kind of interesting. You'd be missing out on a sister eating a salad." I join his mockery making him throw his head back, his eyes squeezing shut as he lets out a throaty laugh. 

"That's a good one." He says after he stops laughing. "Seriously though, how are you holding up?"

I sigh, looking down at my chipped nail polish. "I'm not going to lie, I feel pretty shitty." I admit.

"Yeah, your mum and mine told me you weren't answering to no one. But I see that Benjamin is an exception." He signals upstairs.

"Yeah, he's sort of been comforting me through this. Funny, it should be affecting you more yet it's the complete opposite."

"Hey, it hurts me too." He mocks. "I'm on my first failed marriage. Two more of those and then I'll really be Ross." He says making me laugh as how he compared himself to Ross from Friends.

"Guess I'm Rachel then," I say adding on to his joke but stop when I remember that they had history. "I mean, like when Ross said Rachel's name instead of Emily at the altar, except with us - our kiss exploded on the Internet on your wedding day." I explain making him nod with a smile.

"So then I guess Ben is Paolo."

—

if you watched friends, then you'll get the references ;)