Recklessly (Lumity)

Chapter Seven - Therapy Session

Luz's P.O.V

"Luz Noceda, right," I nodded my head as I took a seat across from her, "It's wonderful to meet you. I'm Eden Nicole and you're allowed to call me whatever you want." She gave me a sweet smile that calmed my scared nerves.

"Nice to meet you too, Eden." We shook hands, and once again my nerves seemed to settle more. I feel like I can trust her, there's something about her that calms me down.

"So, Luz, what brings you here?" I leaned back in my chair to feel more comfortable, which sort of worked. She stared at me, studying my every move, making my nerves shoot back up. She's a therapist, so of course she's going to study my every move and that scares me.

"Well, I..." My voice trailed off, I couldn't get any words to come out. I don't know if it was because I was scared or because I didn't know exactly why I was here, "I'm not one hundred percent sure. I just know that there's something wrong with me that drives people away."

"'Something wrong with you', what does that mean?" Her hands were folded on her lap, showing that she was calm. I took a deep breath and relaxed my muscles.

"I see a lot wrong about myself, I don't even know where to start." I laughed nervously but she didn't laugh with me. It was unusual to put myself down without others laughing. She is a therapist after all, laughing at me would make things worse.

"What's the number one thing that you see wrong with yourself?" For some reason I stumbled a bit on finding the number one thing. There was so much that I didn't like about myself and choosing one, it was harder than it seems.

"Oh gosh, hard to pick just one," I fiddled with my hands as I bit my lip, searching my mind until I finally decided, "I guess my anxiety. It ruins everything in my life."

"How does it ruin everything?" This question was much easier to answer, I know all the things that have been destroyed because of my anxiety problem.

"My anxiety ruined my friendship with someone I loved deeply, and it's caused me to have zero friends." My head dropped as I talked, staring down at the grey carpet. My heart hurt to think about her again.

"Who is this friend that you loved deeply?" My leg started to bounce up and down, faster than usual. Thinking about Amity always got me on edge for multiple reasons.

"Her name is Amity, she-" I choked back tears that were threatening to come out, I can't cry in front of a stranger, "She changed my life when I met her. We were so close, we shared secrets, talked to each other non stop, and had sleepovers."

"What happened, how did your anxiety ruin your friendship with her?" I felt a couple tears run down my cheek as she asked that question. I finally lifted my head to look at her, showing her how much I hurt.

"I don't exactly know but she told me that I'm the reason she pushed me away. It has to be my anxiety, right?" I asked, almost sounding desperate to know if that's really the reason. As if she'd know, she probably doesn't even know Amity.

"Have you tried asking her, talking about it with her?" I laughed, finding it funny that she's asking me if we've talked. There's no way I could ask her and break both of our hearts more.

"Well we've definitely talked but it always ends in a disaster." I throw my hands up in frustration. Her eyes focused more on my attitude and I could see that she was interested in something, I'm not sure what though.

"It always ends in a disaster, huh? Tell me more about that." Why was she asking about our conversations? Was she trying to pry every information I knew out of me?

"I-I don't know what to tell you, she drives me crazy! One moment she's pushing me away and then she comes around me. Just an hour ago we were screaming at each other about stupid stuff." I let out all of my frustration, throwing my hands everywhere to express my anger.