Love, Loss and Living

Carrie Part 6

The new show Golden Chalice, had taken off.  The ratings had been regularly off the charts and it was rumored that an Emmy Award may happen.  The production went on hiatus and Tina went home to Los Angeles.  Carrie moved her focus back to her practice and research. Carrie had no plans to return to the production the following season, it had taken to much of her time and focus. Carrie was very surprised when Tina came back early and said she was getting divorced.  They had spent the rest of the hiatus together and when Tina returned for the production of the second season they where an established couple.  Carrie was self assured and easily navigated her work and personal relationship with Tina.  She provided a never ending supply of emotional support for Tina but was very pragmatic in her approach to Tina's family.  Angie came up to Toronto their first summer as a couple and Carrie met her for the first time.  Angie was standoffish and was clearly not happy about their relationship.  Carrie had tried to be friendly but backed off when Angie showed she was not having any part of it.  Angie was being loyal to her other mother.  Carrie could understand Angie's difficult and confused position, so she gave Angie room to express her feelings. Angie came up one more time the following year, but Angie and Tina spent most of their time together, without Carrie. 

Carrie didn't know much about Tina's old life in Los Angeles. She knew that Tina and Bette lived there for several years prior to moving to New York.  Carrie had gathered that Tina had not been back in Los Angeles long before she took on the Executive Producer job.  Tina would from time to time mention people, such as Alice who was some kind of Pod Caster, Kit who was Bette's older sister, Helena a wealthy socialite that Carrie met once and Shane a very famous hair stylist.  Shane would stop in Toronto to see Tina for a quick visit when she was in Canada, but Carrie had never met her.  Tina had mention once that Shane was family and was glad to have this special time with her.  Tina had said she felt less like an outsider when Shane visited. 

Carrie quietly held Tina and listened to her words that were heavy with grief the night Tina showed up at her apartment distraught over the death of Kit Porter.  Tina had revealed that she had a close familial relationship with Kit and struggled with what she should do.  Tina desperately wanted to go to Los Angeles and be supportive to Angie and of course Bette.  She also wanted the support from them and her other friends.  Tina's divorce had just finalized and she felt that it would be confusing for Bette if she showed up.  Carrie thought something different.  She had already picked up that Tina struggled with the separation from Bette, but she was sure there was something more to it. Tina would say her marriage was over and eluded to a history of events that turned their relationship into a dysfunctional mess. Carrie couldn't put her finger on it. But, it didn't make much sense when Tina would blame Bette for taking to much room in the relationship. Carrie saw Tina as a very strong and self assured woman.  Tina had shown to be very capable in her new role as Executive Producer and Carrie would not have been surprised if Tina was already on the radar for other productions.  She couldn't understand how Bette would not acknowledge Tina's talent and successes or for that matter marginalize Tina in their relationship.  But Carrie was not in the relationship, she didn't know Bette and so naturally she supported Tina in her perspective of Bette and their marriage.  Carrie had kept it to herself that she thought it a bad idea that Tina did not go to the funeral.  She knew this would be something that would impact Tina for a long time.  Carrie was more sure of this, when Tina took off to the mountains unexpectedly by herself the day of the funeral. 

It had only been about two years since Tina and Carrie had met and less than a year since they had been dating.  They had moved in together during the 2nd season's production.  Carrie was sure of what she was feeling for Tina and knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with her.  But, she was concerned about Tina's relationship with her family.  Carrie had brought up her concerns multiple times about Tina not completely resolving her feelings about Bette, but Tina consistently said she had moved on from that toxic relationship.  Tina was clear that the only thing binding Bette and her together was their child, Angie.  She had said they would always be a family, but her feelings had changed regarding Bette.  Tina was just a couple years older than Carrie and for the most part they shared the same values.  There were differences in their views, at time this caused problems but Carrie was clear about her needs.  Carrie easily negotiated things that didn't impact her directly.  Carrie had trusted Tina's definitive statements about Bette and their relationship enough to belief she was ready to take the next step with Tina. Carrie thought from all appearances, that Tina seemed to be in the same place.  Carrie had expressed her feelings for Tina on multiple occasions, telling Tina that she had captured her heart. They had gotten in the habit of playing a one ups of each other by saying I love you and I love you more. So, when Carrie decided to propose, she was sure Tina would agree to marriage.  Carrie planned an elaborate dinner, as she was a very good cook.  She had set the mood with romantic music and candles.  Tina got home a little late that night.  She was surprised but enjoyed the ambiance, attention and appreciated the time Carrie took to plan the dinner.  When Carrie bent her knee and showed her the ring, Tina was speechless.  Carrie at first thought she had misread the level of their relationship.  As the silence became heavy, Carrie became more nervous about her proposal.  But then, Tina smiled and said yes.  They celebrated with champagne and a long night of love making.  Carrie was clear about what she wanted in life and was happy that Tina Kennard had agreed to be a permanent part of her life journey.