Outer Space

Chapter 34 - It's Over (Flashback)

It was quiet. The peacefulness of the air that came with the quiet seemed to be a common theme between Jemma and Maddox. This quiet was different and Maddox couldn't handle it.

Maddox had a million and ten thoughts running through his head, situations that he was playing out in attempt to calm his nerves. It wasn't working. Every outcome that he seemed to be able to think of was bad and painful and disastrous.

He was momentarily distracted from his detrimental thoughts when he felt Jemma snuggle closer to him in her sleep, but feeling her soft breath against his chest just seemed to make things worse. Looking down to see her sleeping face, lips parted slightly open, eyes closed, he saw her for who she was. Jemma was a girl, a young girl. She was a girl that went through more in her short life than most eighty year old men had and that made Maddox want to kill everyone that ever had a hand in hurting her.

He knew he was one of those people that had hurt her. Maybe she didn't realize it and maybe she never would, but he wasn't good for her and he knew deep down he was just going to end up hurting her again and again and he didn't want that. He wanted her to be safe and loved. He used to think that he was the one person that would be able to keep her safe and loved, but after the day he had, he no longer believed any of that to be true.

He was leaving her, whether intentional or not he was about to ship off to boot camp, leaving her behind. In less than a day's time he would be gone. And after what Charlie had told him just some hours ago, he was stuck debating whether or not it would be better for him to be gone for good.

..........

Having been restless the whole night, Maddox had gotten at most two hours of sleep by morning. He was on edge, with bags under his eyes and stress written all over his face. Jemma had been picking up on the subtle differences all morning. She thought she knew what was stressing him out since she had been feeling the same way all week, since he broke it to her that he had enlisted. Instead of questioning him about it though, she just hugged him tighter. She just let him know that she was there, that she was feeling the same way.

As Maddox felt Jemma's arms wrap around his back, that sinking feeling in his gut just got worse. They were still in his apartment. They had been locked inside since the day before. The previous day had been a Friday and Jemma had planned to spend the whole day locked away with Maddox, but she accidently let it slip to him that she had an important algebra test. He made her go to school, promising that they could spend the rest of Maddox's time, before he had to leave, together.

After school she stopped at the Nonstop diner to get food that they could throw in the fridge to heat up and eat later for dinner, knowing Maddox had no food in his apartment and she wouldn't want either of them to leave to go pick any up. With the food in hand she walked to her destination scared for what was to come, scared for the changes that she knew would occur.

They spent the whole night wrapped in eachothers arms, saying few words, taking in the moments they had together. What Jemma didn't know was that Maddox had something completely different on his mind, something that would break her when she was let in on the secret.

It was two o'clock in the afternoon on a Saturday. Maddox was supposed to leave at four. He turned in Jemma's arms, facing her, chest to chest, and wrapped his own much larger arms around her. He breathed her in, smelt her hair, rubbed her back, desperately trying to hold onto the moment they were in knowing he was about to crash them both back to reality.

"Jemma." His voice broke, the emotion evident to both of them, Jemma still clueless as to what was happening. She didn't respond. She still believed his call to her as being an apology for leaving. She was right about one thing. It was an apology. However, she was wrong about what that apology was for. "Jemma," He said again. This time impossibly more strained than the last.

Jemma losened herself from his grip to look up at him. She looked into Maddox's eyes and knew something was different, knew something was wrong. He looked broken, way more than she was expecting him to be. She wanted to comfort him just like he always did for her. "It's okay Maddie." She began not breaking their eye contact. "We can call and text and email. I'll even write you a letter if I have to. We'll be okay." Jemma truly believed what she was saying. They had been through so much together in their short lives. She was someone who didn't believe in trivial things yet for some reason she always knew that her and Maddox were meant to be together.

Maddox took a slow step back, caressing Jemma's arm as he went. She was crying because they had never been more than a few miles apart before, because there was so much going on that she needed him for. He was crying because he had the knowledge that he was about to break her heart. "We can't," he said.

Jemma didn't understand. What did he mean they can't? "What are you talking about Maddox?" She asked.

"It won't be good for either of us Jemma. You're too young. We have lives to live and neither of us should have to wait for the other." He was lying. All he wanted was to be held down, to be in a relationship with her for the rest of his life, but he knew that he couldn't do that to her because he wasn't lying when he said that she was too young. It wouldn't be fair to her for him to hold her back and make her wait for him.

"Maddox?" Jemma didn't know what to say. She saw Maddox start to increase the space between them as he took tiny steps back, as he took steps away from her.

"You know I'm right Jemma. I'll probably never come back and It just... It won't work." He took a breath and he watched the pain and the anger wash over her face. "I think you should go Jemma," he finished. He was about to completely break down and he didn't want her to be there to witness that.

..........

It had been a week. A week since her heart was shattered by the only boy she ever loved. A week since everything she ever thought she knew was proved to be wrong. A week since anyone besides her father had seen her. Jemma kept herself inside and away from people. Away from prying eyes and questions about her constant state of despair.

She told her father she was sick. It wasn't a stretch seeing as she spent what seemed like half of every day for the past week hunched over a toilet throwing up. The tears hadn't left her eyes since that day and it wasn't just because a boy broke her heart.

Jemma sat on her bed, not able to take her eyes off of the object in her hands. She held a positive pregnancy test. She had taken it that day at the diner with Charlie by her side, but she lied about the results. She wanted Maddox to be the first to know. She wanted his help in making a decision on what to do. She was going to tell him before he left, but she had been angry at him all week and she didn't want to ruin their last day together. She never got a chance to tell him. He would never know and she would do her best to forget.