Chapter 34: A thirst for blood

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"Kid, are you feeling alright? You look pretty spaced out!"

Huh? Oh, right. I forgot I was with her. My head is completely in the clouds.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine…don't worry."
Lupusregina raises an eyebrow and lays a hand on my shoulder, with an apprehensive look on her face. She probably smelled something's up.
"You sure? I can tell when you're having...flashbacks, or nightmares, and this is certainly not it!"

Spot on. I'm still thinking about Shalltear.

"You know me well, don't you?" I ask admitting defeat.
"Yeah I do! Now tell me what's wrong, come on!"

Well I can't say no to such a smiley and cute face.

"Alright…"
I figuratively roll up my sleeves and try explaining my whole train of thought from yesterday. She seems to understand the essentials, but she still seems a bit confused up to the point where I'm going to tell her of the two reasons why I'm so conflicted on what to do.
"So…lemme get this straight: you've got two conflicting reasons for the whole "I've got no idea what to do with Shalltear" thing. Is that what this is about?"

She's spot on once again.

"Yeah…you wanna hear the no or the yes first?" I ask as I look around the woods distractedly.
"I'd say the no, so you can give me the final blow and completely send my certainties about you to shit!" She jokes patting me on the shoulder. I let out a small chuckle and stop for a second to look at a cute squirrel climbing up a tree.

The life of animals is so easy…none of that "conscience" and "feelings" stuff. You just live without thinking, and you follow your instincts.

"Right. So the no is…because she ruined me, if you wanna say it in a few words. Both my mind and my body have permanent scars…"
"Well, I think the three thingies on your face…you know…" She starts, mimicking the gesture of slashing something with her fingers, "...they look good on you! Anyway, apart from my stupid jokes, I see your point. Now, you're gonna tell me the reason that I probably won't understand."

Yeah, that's very likely.

"Maybe. So…starting from the fact that I don't love Shalltear now, the reason why I hope for an improvement, is that…I want to." I explain and blush a little. Lupusregina suddenly stops walking and grabs my two shoulders, with a look that spells "are you crazy?".
"Are you crazy?!"

Hey what do you know, I was right!
And yeah, I kinda understand that reaction.

"No. I…only the King and I know about this. So you know that I'd told you the thing about the "involuntary affection" caused by blood. And…when I woke up the King "convinced" me to give some of my blood to Shalltear. And in light of everything that happened…I want to fall in love with her again. And there's two things I need for this: time, to recover and forget a bit about…everything, and the other one is…her blood."

Well she looks completely stoned. Maybe even a bit worried. Maybe also a bit stranded.

"What?! Kid, are you crazy?! Don't you remember all the shit, all the pain, all the torture…all the things she did to you?!"

She is extremely worried now. I can see that, and hear that, for that matter. She's being quite loud.

"Hey, it's alright…why are you-"
"Because she's just gonna hurt you like the last times! Or kill you!"

Wait is she crying? No, she can't be crying. Her eyes are just a little wet.

"Lupusregina, listen to me. This time, I have some experience. And I know for sure Shalltear has learned her lesson."

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