Chasing Oblivion

FOURTEEN

A young man sat hunched over in the worn armchair, head held in between whitening hands. His tan skin had lost all colour – fading into a pale pallor. Teeth clicked harshly against one another as the voices in the room continued to rise in octaves, the heat from the red flames in the stone fireplace going unnoticed. Nothing could ward away the ice traversing mercilessly throughout his body.

"We can't just ignore this," Hermione cried out, shoving the letter into Lilah's emotionless face. "We all know what happened last time!"

"I'm not ignoring it," Lilah sighed, sparing a worried glance towards her boyfriend...lover – whatever he was, "we all know the effect it's had on James and right now, James and I are going to go home. We can talk about this tomorrow."

"Lilah..." Remus trailed off, staring at his daughter hesitantly. Despite the comforting atmosphere that usually accompanied The Burrow, it was currently absent amidst the events that have unfolded. He ran a hand through his scruffy, balding hair as his brown eyes stared into an exact replica that was pleading for him to understand – to realise. Looking towards his best friend, Remus began to cave. James was in no state to debate the matter, let alone acknowledge it. He needed time to process, to think.

To get away.

"Okay," he finally agreed after a few moments of silence. "Okay." He reached to hold onto his wife's hand, taking comfort in strength in her next to him, knowing that their son was safe upstairs with George.

Lilah shot her father a small smile, silently thanking him for supporting her despite the protest of others in the room. Brushing back wisps of hair that had escaped her messy bun, Lilah crouched down in front of James, resting her hands on his jean-clad knees. He slowly raised his head, blank black eyes staring into her own.

"Let's go home," she whispered, thumb rubbing soothing circles over the material of his pants. At his small jerk of a head, Lilah raised from her position, hands outstretched to pull him up. "We'll see you tomorrow," Lilah confirmed with the group that was practically family, sending a soft smile towards Molly Weasley at her concerned expression.

Leaving little room for protests, Lilah remained holding onto one of James' hands, apparating them home. They landed abruptly at the front of their house, having recently warded it to prevent people from apparating directly into the house. Leading him into the house, Lilah directs an unresponsive James upstairs towards their bedroom. Sitting him gently on their bed, Lilah leans down to place a small kiss to the crown of his head, pausing there for a few moments, thinking about the events of the day.

And what a day it had been.

They never truly got a break.

"I'm going to run you a bath," Lilah whispered, not wanting to break the serenity of the moment. Pulling away from James, she turns to walk away before being abruptly pulled back.

James' lip wobbles as he stares helplessly at the love of his life, unable to fully process the emotions rushing through him. The torment was breaking him. The only thing he knew at this very moment was that he could not – did not want to be alone. "Please don't leave me," his voice cracked, tears welling in his eyes.

"Okay," Lilah walked back towards him, fingertips reaching up to brush away a few strands of hair. James leaned into the touch before falling forward, resting his head fully onto Lilah's stomach, hands encircling her hips and clutching onto the white fabric of her t-shirt. His chest rose and fell with every shuddering breath, the memories of the past taunting him.

He would never fully heal from the trauma.

"What if she was ours?" James finally breaks the silence, refusing to move to wipe the tears coursing down his face. But he didn't need to, for Lilah always would.

"What?" Lilah peers down curiously at him, not quite sure what he meant.

"The Muggle girl I killed," James struggled to spit out the sentence, jaw clenching with every word of truth. "What if – what if she was ours? What if a man murdered our baby girl? What if I murdered our baby girl?"

Lilah's sharp intake of breath was all the answer James needed as he clutched tighter onto his lifeline, scared that she would realise how damaged he was and walk away. What he didn't know, though, is that she could never walk away. She had tried countless times and she always failed. Because for her, James was it. She knew she could never love another human being as much as she loved the man in her arms.

Not even her own son.

"It wasn't our daughter," Lilah ran her hands through his messy curls, knowing that it would ease his racing mind. "Yes, she was someone's daughter and I could not imagine how much pain they would have endured but she was not ours. When we have a daughter, she's going to grow up in a safe world full of love. She's going to have both of her parents to raise her and an amazing older brother to support her and guide her. And if by some reason, her life ends early then she will know that she was loved every day of her life. That she was cherished, even during her tantrums and harsh words. Amy knew that, Baby. She knew that."

"She knew that," James mumbles into her stomach before placing a soft kiss on the material, desperately repeating the words in an attempt to reassure himself. He knew, however, that deep down, no words nor actions could ever repent for his crimes.

He was a murderer.

And it was just a matter of time before Lilah truly realised that.

"Come on," Lilah pulls James up from the duvet with a huff, "let's go have that bath."

Once on the white tiled floors, Lilah gently tugs on the maroon crew neck James was wearing. With practised ease, Lilah slips the jumper past his arms and over his head, giggling when it momentarily gets stuck on his head. "Hold still," Lilah berates, climbing up onto the side of the bath so that she could get a better look.

"I am," James grumbled, arms raised awkwardly in the air.

"There," Lilah grinned as she gave one last tug, the material flying free. She reached for his glasses next, eyes holding steady as she slid them down his nose. His nose twitched adorably as the cold metal brushed against his skin, eyes following suit before they quickly reopened, not wanting to miss a moment of the girl in front of him. She hopped down from the bath awkwardly, using James' shoulders to steady herself before placing his glasses onto the counter. Cold fingertips brushed against his navel before undoing the button, pushing the last two layers down past his thighs, landing with a soft thud. Somehow, this moment felt more intimate than any other before.

Lilah quickly followed suit, removing her clothes until she stood before her lover completely bare. Her messy, knotted hair had been released from its messy updo, falling in tumbles down her shoulders and back. "Are you ready?"

"Always."

--

Yo!

Finally an update, I know😂😂

I'm working up to a few major plot points so be patient with me please and whilst I am building up the plot, please enjoy the fluff as I attempt to properly develop Lilah and James' relationship😋🥰

Leave your thoughts below! A new character may be introduced in the coming chapters so leave name recommendations and descriptions in the comments! Winner will be announced in the coming chapters🎉

Until then, have a very merry February😘