Chasing Oblivion

FIVE

I tumble down the stairs in haste, wand gripped tightly in my left hand as I struggle to breathe, desperate to escape from the memories.

From him.

"...I don't see what this has to do with my father, Sir," Harry's voice carried to me as I raced towards the foyer, "I'm sure you're aware but my parents died in 1981."

"Yes, yes, I am aware of that Mr Potter, but we have had a few reporting's that James Potter-"

"My father is dead," Harry spat out, glaring down at the ministry official.

"Harry?" I walked to the door, placing a comforting hand on his tense shoulder, "what's going on?"

"Miss Lupin," the official nodded to me in greeting before returning his attention to Harry. "It is of high importance, Mr Potter, that if you do see him you contact us immediately. He is a great danger to the Wizarding World and yourself. If you are found to be harbouring him, Mr Potter-"

"If you have any further questions, Sir, you can reach us through Arthur Weasley's secretary at the Ministry. If that is all," I cut him off, smile dripping with false politeness as I shut the door on his protests.

"Mum? Li?" Harry turned to face me, clutching the hand that was rested on his shoulder tightly, refusing to let it go until I acknowledged him. "Are you crying?"

"Of course not," I smiled over at him reassuringly, knowing that he would've believed me if it weren't for the tear tracks staining my cheeks but still trying my best to make sure that everything seemed alright.

"He's not like the stories, is he?"

Looking at his crestfallen face, my heart shattered. He had idolised James before he even knew his name, likening him to that of a God and for him to see James as he is now, as the James that was hardened by war and mysterious secrets was another shard that was closer to breaking me once more.

"A long time ago he was," I smoothed back the locks of his hair, encasing his cheeks in my palms, looking into his dejected blue eyes. "And maybe one day he can be that person again."

"I'm not some innocent child, Li," he rested his forehead on mine, wrapping me up tightly in his arms.

I had missed this when I was away.

"I know you're my mum, but you don't always have to put me first. You're crying and I'm asking some stupid question that we both already know the answer to. I'm sorry Lilah, I should start acting more like your best friend that I'm supposed to be," Harry placed a soft kiss on the crown of my head as I snuggled closer into his chest, remembering the winter nights that we had spent cuddled up on the common room couch in front of the fire.

"In-between?"

"In-between," he agreed, tightening his embrace.

A cough interrupted us, a hesitant James leaning against the wall only a few feet away, looking at us... looking at Harry with jealousy?

"And that's my cue," I bobbed my head awkwardly, not having the energy to bother James about whatever the ministry official was implying when he stated that he was a danger.

"Love," James sighed, closing the distance between us in a few short steps, placing his hand on the door so that I couldn't open it. "We need to talk."

"You need to get your shit together," I snapped back, hating how his mood had completely switched from upstairs as he looked at me patiently – as if he hadn't just been a complete twat. "What?" I shrugged at his raised eyebrow, "I thought that we were stating the obvious."

"I guess I deserved that."

"You deserve a lot more," I broke eye contact, pushing his hand that was littered with scars away from the wooden door. "I need some air, James."

"Now's probably not the-"

"I wasn't asking for your permission," my brown irises steeled over as I snapped out a response, shocked blue eyes glazing over with hurt before all hints of emotion vanished.

I should've felt guilty for hurting him but I was too caught up in my emotions to care, especially after how he had treated me earlier.

I pushed away his calloused hand a second time, my right hand reaching out to grasp the golden knob, twisting it open before glancing back with a somewhat strained smile.

"I'll be fine," I assured, pulling up the hem of his shirt a few inches to display the wand I kept tucked neatly into the waistband of my shorts.

"Just-," he broke off, struggling to find the right words, "just be careful. Things may seem like they're settling down but don't be fooled."

"James, you're scaring me," I looked up at him wearily as I grasped his hand, not missing the way that Harry clenched up, worried beyond belief that the war wasn't finally over. "You need to tell us what's going on."

James stepped back, tugging his hand out of mine, a pained expression on his face, "I can't," he admitted, biting down on his lip. "If you're angry at me now then you'll hate me. You'll all hate me."

"I'm going to get angry when you do stupid fucking things without thinking and I'm going to cry when you hurt me and then get angry all over again, but I could never hate you. We're your family, James. It's about time you start treating us both as such," I pursed my lips, unable to stand everyone lying to me.

I was sick of it.

"We need the truth, James, if you want this to work then you've got to tell us the truth," I grasped his hand once more, sending a small reassuring smile to Harry who stood to the side awkwardly, not quite sure what to do.

"We need you," Harry admitted, his soft-spoken words breaking down the last of James' resistance.

His teary blue eyes focused on us desperately, switching between us quickly, as if trying to memorise every detail possible in the few moments he had before the confession that I wished that I had never heard.

"I killed someone."

--

Another chapter as promised! The next update unfortunately probably won't be until next weekend because I'm lazy af and I've got exams coming up!

Wish me luck!

Love R101 xx