The Undecided Title Of Sara Miller *Hobbit Fanfiction* (Thorin/OC)

Chapter 4: Quest

The dining room was in bedlam. Twelve dwarves crammed in around the tables that looked as though they might buckle under the combined weight of all the food and Fili, who was walking across the tabletops towards his brother carrying mugs of ale. Several dwarves, including Kili, were throwing food to each other. Sara winced internally. There was going to be food everywhere. Dwalin poured ale into another dwarf's ear horn, who then blew it out all over the table to the great delight of the others. At least the floor was moppable.

Gandalf had somehow managed to gather himself a plate of food already and was seated with them looking highly amused, but try as she might Sara could not spot Bilbo among the throng. Probably for the best, he would be distraught at the state of his dining room. She went in search of the hobbit, her experience telling her it was far too late to save the dining room from a good scrubbing. At last, she found Bilbo in the pantry staring forlornly at the newly bare shelves.

"Bilbo, are you okay?" He looked up at her tiredly, a weak smile on his face, and nodded unconvincingly. Seeing that the empty pantry was depressing him she steered him out into the hallway.

"Come on, I've seen that kind of face before. Tell me what's wrong." She already knew the answer but wanted to give him the chance to vent to a willing ear.

"You mean other than my empty larder, which would be enough to bring any hobbit to tears?" said Bilbo despondently. "There are twelve drawers in my home who I've never met before tonight. They showed up unexpectedly on my doorstep and then proceeded to raid my pantry, rearrange my furniture, and all but ruin the plumbing in my first and second bathrooms. They have damaged and misused several family heirlooms, and Gandalf still has not given me a satisfactory answer as to why they are here!" He paused at a crash from the other room. "And I must admit that I'm rather dreading the state of my kitchen and dining room come the end of the evening."

At this most inopportune moment, a younger dwarf clad in a kitted sweater approached them.

"Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt but what should I do with my plate?" he questioned. Fili came up behind Bilbo, winking conspiratorially at Sara.

"Here Ori, let me have that," he said, taking the plate from the dwarf and then throwing it down the hall to Kili who caught it nimbly and then threw it into the kitchen. Bilbo's jaw dropped. Three more dishes flew past.

"Ex... Excuse me!" stammered Bilbo, his face turning red with shock and anger. "Those are my mother's best dishes and they are over a hundred years old!" He tried to catch a dish but Fili and Kili nimbly threw around the distressed hobbit.

"Stop it," said Sara, stepping between Fili and Kili's. "Can't you see you're upsetting him?"

"Don't worry," said Kili, catching a dish just over her shoulder and throwing it into the kitchen. "We won't break a single dish."

Sara opened her mouth to argue but was cut short by the sound of rhythmic stomping and cutlery being scraped against each other from the dining room. Bilbo stomped around the corner. Sara followed.

"Can you please not do that! You'll blunt them!"

"Did ya hear that lad's?" said the hatted dwarf. "He says we'll blunt the knives."

"Blunt the knives, bend the forks," sang Kili.

"Smash the bottles, burn the corks," chimed in Fili.

"Chip the glasses and crack the plates," sang all the dwarves at the table. "That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!" The dwarves burst into song as dishes whizzed to and fro. The song they sang had Bilbo cringing visibly where he stood. Sara considered trying to stop them but decided against it, not wanting to mess up their perverse perfection and risk the dishes as the dwarves threw, rolled, or slid all the dishes into the kitchen.