counting change | yoonminseok

*please read*

I've rewritten this thousands of times but I really just need to publish this already so I'm going to go with a clear straightforward explanation for this.

This book is discontinued and I have no plans to ever continue it.

I think that has been evident for a while but I'm sorry for not publicly establishing it sooner. I do feel like I owe a bit of an explanation for why I'm ending this though.

I included some topics in this book that I used to be able to write and create realistic happy endings for but I don't think I can do that anymore.

Some topics in this book I physically can't stomach. I know ignoring certain issues isn't good but I don't believe I should force myself to write about them when I start to feel sick when I just read about them.

And the comments really make this difficult.

I'm not talking about the people who get angry about Taekook in this or just leave hate in general. The comments that talk about the serious issues, specifically eating disorders, are the ones I'm talking about.

I understand people joke about serious things as a way of coping. I've seen so many comments about people agreeing that they do the same self-destructive habits and they try and make a joke of it. I used to try and reach out to people who left those comments but so many people have responded telling me that they're just saying they have an ED to be trendy that I've stopped.

Seeing people say they have those issues just because it's "trendy" isn't cool. It makes me feel like I'm glamorizing self-destructive habits and making people want to do them and I can't handle that.

There was a specific circumstance where I had someone leave a comment with tips on how to make sure people don't notice you're avoiding eating and how to "starve yourself" in the most efficient way. That's NOT something I want to see on my notification feed.

I know when I was a preteen I really was invested in reading books that had a character dealing with a certain issue, such as EDs,
as I liked to see a character overcome that issue. It made me believe I could do so as well and gave me hope. Right now I can't help but imagine someone reading my book and seeing those comments with toxic information encouraging eating disorders and ending up following it.

That specific circumstance was a while ago but I still haven't really gotten over it and I avidly try to avoid reading my notifications because of it. I was not in a good enough mental state to see comments encouraging starving yourself. I make an active effort to avoid things like that and seeing it pop up in my notifications wasn't something I expected and couldn't have ever been mentally prepared for.

I'm pretty sure I've deleted all of those comments now (and even talked to the account but they just told me I was taking things too far, which sucked) I just really hope nobody impressionable saw those.

All in all I don't think I'll be writing anything else in this book. I really tried my best to leave it without a major cliffhanger but I can't continue a storyline with the issues this story has in it and the possibility of comments it might get. I know it does seem super rushed towards the end and that's because I was trying to end it and just get it over with.

The idea of deleting this book is also something I've been looking into. The only comments I see for it are people talking how they also do self-destructive habits and encouraging these habits. And I realize that most of those comments probably are people dealing with this serious issue but the fact that I know some of them aren't makes me feel like I'm glamorizing eating disorders still. I know some people enjoy this book so I'm not 100% if I will delete it yet. I might just leave Wattpad instead or make a new account.

I would just like to point out if I continue writing books I will never include the topic of eating disorders again. I'm really sorry to the people who enjoy this book and think I'm being sensitive. I tried to write this explanation in a clear straight to the point way and I'm just really sorry for everything and I can't think of a way to end this and make people not upset or angry with me.

I don't think I'll be on Wattpad for a while after posting this, I really don't want to see how some people may take the news. I wanted to try and reread this to check for errors but I really just need to post it so I can stop worrying about it. I just, I don't know.

I'm sorry.