Witness

17| Regrets

We had been walking in silence, which normally I wouldn't have minded, but today the lingering silence just made me feel more and more guilty. I hated seeing him distant and angry like this. Especially after the revelation that he cares about me. Jax cares. My handsome, closed-off, hard-ass bodyguard truly cares about me on a deeper level than just as a client.

I was deep in thought about this when again, a loud BANG sounded to my left. Before I knew what was even happening, Jaxon had linked one of his large, muscled arms around my waist, pulling me quickly and forcefully to his chest. I stumbled along with him as he quickly pulled us off the sidewalk, pressing me to the side of a college house. The paint was chipping off the wood as my sweatshirt rubbed against it.

I could feel the panic rising in my chest. The whole thing lasted only about 20 seconds, but time seemed to slow in moments like these. Jax kept me shielded with his body as he scanned the area, his hand placed on what looked to be a gun in the waistband of his pants. I shuddered hard.

After another 30 seconds or so, he backed up. "Just a truck backfiring. We're okay."

We're okay.

Except... I wasn't okay. If I thought the noise from the projector was bad, it was nothing compared to the backfire of a car. Even Jax had momentarily thought that it was a gunshot. My breathing increased and I longed to be held by Jaxon before we had a repeat panic attack situation.

Fuck it.

Without thinking too much about it, I reached out, latching my arms around his waist, and pressing my face to his muscled chest. I was trembling and fighting like hell to control my breathing. I was not about to have another panic attack. Not again.

It only took a second for Jaxon to return my hug, squeezing me tightly to him. He moved one of his large palms up to grip the back of my head, holding me to his chest. "Shhh. It's okay; you're safe."

"I know," I shivered, "I just need a minute."

"Okay," he said.

He didn't say anything else then, he just held me in a hug that I desperately needed but didn't necessarily deserve. After another minute, I felt like I got myself under control enough to continue walking, so I released my grip on him.

"You good?" He asked, letting his hands fall to his sides.

"I guess. Thank you... I needed that."

"Of course."

We started walking again, and hard as I tried, I couldn't stop staring at the gun in the waistband of Jax's jeans. You couldn't see it under his shirt, but I knew it was there.

"Do you always carry a gun?" I asked, quiet enough that no other pedestrians would hear me.

He nodded, "Always."

I wasn't sure what to say. Guns had always made me feel uneasy, but now after everything, they fucking terrified me. I couldn't imagine if Jax had to use that on someone to protect me. It was his job, but I was sure that still didn't make it easy.

As if he could read the thoughts on my face, he continued on. "It's just a precaution. The guys that are after you will definitely have guns, and they won't hesitate to shoot. I need to be prepared at all times."

I nodded. "Okay; then I want to be prepared to."

His steps faltered as he regarded me. "Huh?"

"Teach me to use one."

He shook his head. "You don't need to use one. I'll be here with you."

Now I was the one to stop walking, placing one of my hands on his thick forearm to stop him as well.

"Don't brush me off like that," I pleaded, "Look, I also hope that I'm never in a situation where I need to use the gun, but I don't want to be clueless if I do. Besides that, I'm sick of feeling queasy when I look at one and having panic attacks whenever I hear a similar sound. I need to get used to them... and I'd like it if you were the one to teach me."

Jaxon stared at me for a moment, his jaw was tight and his eyes unrelenting as if he was having an internal battle with himself. Finally, he nodded, "Okay, fine. I'll teach you. Now can we go inside? Seriously, I'm starving."

A small smile graced my face as we entered the cafe. I had won this small battle, and also, I would have killed for some blueberry pancakes.
______________________________________________

Hellooooo lovelies!

What do we think? Did Jax let Emery off the hook too easily?

See you next week! Thanks for reading ❤️

-Haley