Witness

17| Regrets

My eyes stung. He was right; I had been stupid. "Okay," I said, my voice sounding small. "I'm sorry; I really am. I shouldn't have gone... and I know that I got too drunk...," I continued. "It just felt so good to try and be normal again! Then I got carried away and took things too far, I can admit that, but I'm really trying to adjust here, Jax. I'm sorry; I'm not perfect and I'm not doing a good job, but I'll try and do better."

Finally, Jaxon looked up at me without a glare. Something in his face shifted from anger to sympathy. He ran a hand through his chocolate brown hair like he always did when he wasn't sure what to do with me.

"Say something, please... I don't like when you're mad at me," I said in a voice so quiet I wasn't sure if it was mine.

"God damn it, Emery. I'm not mad at you about the fact that you got too drunk—although yeah, that was annoying and inconvenient—but I'm fucking furious that you lied to me about going to the party. How can I keep you safe if I don't know where you are?"

"I..."

He put a finger up to silence me. "Hold on, I'm not done. Do you even understand what you put me through when I saw you weren't in your dorm? God, Emery, I swear you are the hardest person to keep safe. It's exhausting!"

I sighed. "Your job is to protect me from a murderous kingpin. Last I checked, he isn't here! You don't need to protect me from everything. I have to make my own mistakes and live my life, and yes, I'm going to make mistakes and get into some trouble, but you shouldn't feel like it's on you to keep me safe from common things like that guy from last night. I remember you stepping in, and as much as I appreciated it, you shouldn't feel the need to do that!"

"But I do!" Jaxon said, his voice raising a notch. "This is new for me too. I haven't ever had to protect someone that I actually..." he trailed off as if debating what to say next, "that I have actually grown to care about. So yeah, some of what I do for you is not in my job description, but can't you just accept that I want to be there for you as a friend?"

There was a looming silence between us as he stared at me. I knew Jax and I had come to an understanding, and I definitely considered him to be my friend at this point; I just hadn't expected for him to feel the same way.

"I can try," I relented, "and I really am sorry."

He sighed, walking over and dropping a hand down to me. "I know. I'm still pissed, but I'm also starving. We can keep talking about this over breakfast."

"Okay." I grabbed on, letting him pull me to my feet. It was here I noticed that I was wearing different clothes than the party dress I had on last night. I was in Jaxon's clothes, and I didn't remember how I got into them.

My thoughts must have been written on my face because Jaxon dropped my hand and let out a sigh. "Yeah... I had to help you change last night since you were so drunk. Don't worry though, your dress made it easy for me to change you without seeing anything."

I felt my face start to tinge pink at the thought of Jax dressing me. "Oh... okay, thanks."

"Go change," he said, giving me an easy out of this conversation.

*******

The bright California sun assaulted my eyes as we walked to breakfast. I had thrown on some jean shorts and an oversized hoodie. I still felt like crap and didn't have the energy to try any harder.

Jax insisted that we walk to a small cafe a little ways off campus, since he was getting sick of the dining hall breakfast options. We had gone here once before, and I remembered it being good... I just wasn't thrilled we'd have more privacy to argue if he hadn't said everything he wanted to say yet.