Hidden Scars (Kim Taehyung)

Page 02 - suffering

Page 02

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Dear Hidden Scars,

I was glad that i could see your genuine smile and laugh. You looked happy. Both of you. I guess you are each other's happiness.

I still remember the time that you are the cause of my euphoria. My smiles into my face. My laugh.

But now, it's not and that's so hurt.

Every morning, i am waiting to your messages. I would always received "goodmorning sleepyheads" "be happy and enjoy" and every night, i would always received "goodnight's" "i miss you's" "how's your day?" from you and those simples words, worked like a magic.

They made me happy and happy.

We're always chatting 24/7. Most of were random stuff, about our lives, about anime, about kpop, music and also we sounded like a kids who kept teasing each other but those times were so precious to me.

I wish we could go back to the past to relieve those unforgettable moments but i know you would prefer to stay in the present with him. And i know you're already looking forward to the future together. Someone from the past had no right to interfere anymore.

Its hurts. It's really hurts but as long as you are happy that's okay with me. I want you to be more happier. I want to see you smile more. You deserve it.

We are here again in coffee shop. You were laughing about something he just said. I stared how laugh. You said you're not fond when it comes on laughing but now you doesn't really care about your insecurities anymore because you found the right person who could see through it. He made you smiled. He made you laughed. He made you happy.

Before, i was the guy who made you laugh, smile and happy everyday but now it's not.

I smiled when i saw you laughing but i feel more sad and pain into my heart. It's like there's a knife stabbing into my chest.

You were my happiness but you also brought me pain.

I never told you but you are the first girl who made me cry. When i got the news that you have another man, that you have someone you like, i cried. I know its a gay when you see it but fuck it, i cant stop— my tears cant stop falling but after that i wiped my tears when i realized something.

I never thought you have become someone I wanted to be with.

I never thought— i hate this.

Why i am so hurting?

Am i not enough? Funny, i can't received any answered.

You stopped texting me. You stop messaging me. You stop calling me. I tried to convert a text but i ended up typing nothing.

I waited for a days because i am hoping that you sent a messages but no messages from you arrived.

I'm used to it that sometimes you sent a message or you are the one who was gonna talk to me first that's why when you stop chatting or texting, i dont know what i am going to do.  I wanted to talk to you but i was scared. I know i am so coward. So i just waited for a days... months.... but nothing happened.

Nothing.

From the bottom of my heart, i wanted to know what went wrong. I wanted to know why you'd stop. I wanted to know why you gave up. I wanted to know everything. 

Everything.

Maybe you realized I wasn't the one you were looking for.

Maybe I am not really the one you'd someone you liked.

Or maybe you cant see your future to me.

I don't know your reasons but even though you left me hanging— you left me without any explanation— you ghost me, i wanted to end everything about us properly.

Even if that meant getting hurt again.

Suffering,
Taehyung.