Babysitting the Bad Boy's Brother

34

I never cared about the tattoo on your forearm until your arms were wrapped around me. 

We stumbled into your house like we were drunk and tiptoed up to the third story hand in hand, whispering and giggling like two children asking to be caught.

You kissed me like it was the first time you had ever kissed anyone. I felt like it was the first time I had ever been kissed. 

Before I knew it, I was on your lap, my two legs straddling your waist. Your mouth was hungry and eager to explore mine. My shirt was somewhere across the room, exposing my white bra, and you left a trail of kisses on my collarbone as my fingers found their way through your hair. 

I kissed the top of your head chastely, and you froze. 

"I'm sorry." I whispered in your ear, slightly freaking out that I had done something wrong, but you just wrapped your arms around me, holding me tight. 

And this time, I hugged you back. 

It's strange to think that this is the first time I've ever hugged you. It's strange to think of you being capable or even content with such a chaste form of intimacy.  

I untangle myself from Alec and sit down beside him on the bed. 

"So, I've never been in your room before." I say, and mentally shoot myself for saying such an awkward statement after such a nice moment. Alec shrugs, and I feel like i might die of idiocy. The walls are an unpainted cream color, which matches the rest of the house. The room feels so impersonal, with nothing on the walls other than a mirror. There's a desk with a laptop and a few personal items, and the only things on the dresser are a few folded clothes. It's not eerily neat, though. Things are strewn about on the desk and there are 2-3 wadded up t-shirts on the floor: Clean, but not obsessive. "It's... cleaner than your mom made it out to be." I wonder what he would think if he could see my room right now. I know that there would not be a thing out of place.

Isn't perfection in a way impersonal too?  

Alec rolls his eyes. "So you're telling me that all of the times you spent babysitting Connor, you never once were tempted to sneak up here and see for yourself?" 

"Nope. You were pretty irrelevant, in all honesty." 

Alec smirks, "Yeah, okay."  And I whack him on the upper arm. 

I grab his wrist (he doesn't even yank his hand away, shocker) and point to his tattoo wordlessly. 

"Yep, you found my tattoo. congratulations."

"Tell me about it." 

"There's nothing to tell." 

Ugh. "Really? Absolutely nothing? No meaning or anything?" 

Alec shrugs, but doesn't say anything. I take my time to examine the lines and shapes that wrap around his forearm. "Who did this? it's beautiful." My favorite part of the intricate work is two faces- both female- layered on top of each other in a single line drawing. I want to point to every single part and ask, Is this something important to you? 

I feel like there is so much that Alec shuts away and hides from people- from me- and I just want him to open up to me so badly. Of course, I know he won't. I can't try to change Alec. All I can do is try to swim with him and hope I don't drown.

 I've never been a particularly strong swimmer, though. 

"It took a long time to finish" My eyes look up to meet his. He continues, "I can't even remember how many visits it took. I just couldn't stop adding to it." 

I nod. "Yeah, it seems like you put a lot of thought into it. It's very unique." I trace the lines with my fingers. "I feel like I'm looking at something I'm not supposed to see."