Babysitting the Bad Boy's Brother

I may be suffering but at least I can rhyme.

I lay my head back on the bed and close my eyes. Cuco plays in the background, blaring from my iPhone speakers. As I lull off into my own little world my hand waves back and forth while I roll my wrist in small circles. 

I kind of feel like I've been absent lately. 

Sometimes I just get into these ruts- a feeling of loneliness and self inflicted misery that just circles around me like an aura of bad energy. I worry that I'll never be able to get out sometimes.

It's not that I don't love my friends and music and my life. The problem is that I do. But its like I'll never be able to be the person that everyone else needs. 

I wonder if by trying to be there for everyone i'm losing myself. 

I open my eyes and look up at the ceiling. "Snap the fuck out of it you pathetic piece of shit" I whisper to myself. I swear that saying that sentence works better than therapy. 

I glare at my iPhone and yank it off of it's charger to pause the music. The sound stops abruptly. "Thank you very much". 

I jump to my feet and stretch my hands over my head, allowing my cropped t-shirt to ride up and expose my belly. 

With a fluid motion, I spin out of my room and shut the door behind me before going downstairs.

 It's bittersweet to see school start back up again. 

My dad was home for a full day over the break (it was thanksgiving, naturally). Mind you, it's only because half of the department was closed for the Holiday, and my dad happened to be one of the detectives who did not need to be in the office (unless there was an emergency, obviously). Despite the fact that he really had no choice, it was really nice having him home with us. 

We all pitched in when cooking dinner. I got up early to start the stuffing (we all started cooking at 8am), and my dad was in charge of the gizzards and the turkey. I beat the mashed potatoes while my dad made the gravy, and Becca worked on the cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie. Naturally, her pumpkin pie was amazing. Overall, spending a total of 7 hours in the kitchen isn't a bad experience when you're doing it with your family. We also had to take a break to watch the Macy's thanksgiving parade on TV and my dad insisted on throwing a football in the backyard because "that's what his dad did with him on thanksgiving". I, of course, refused to participate because, A: I'm so clumsy I'm basically disabled, and B: I refuse to do anything that could potentially injure my hand (besides the risk involved with just being me). 

So the fun football time basically involved my dad throwing it to Becca, Becca throwing it back or over the fence, and Malone running between them barking.

Not too bad for a holiday.

So, here we are. Walking into school. No friends to be found. Typical.

Since that mortifying night where I cried like a baby in front of a person I absolutely despise, Alec hasn't texted me again and I haven't seen him at all. Until this moment. 

I see him as soon as I walk through the front doors. He's off to the side talking to somebody and I watch him as I walk by. His eyes look up briefly but they go right past me. He's looking down again. It's like I wasn't even there.

I don't even give myself a chance to be hurt before somebody slams into me. My binder clatters to the floor and papers spread everywhere. The hallway briefly silences before resuming it's normal chatter filled volume. I kneel down with a huff.

"Sorry Claire. Please don't hit me, I swear it was an accident." He says with a snicker.

I look up with a glare expecting to see Skylar based on the navy green jersey. However, it was another football player named Travis. 

"Very funny, ha-ha." I pick up all of my papers and shove them into my binder chaotically. 

I head over to to the music room and put my violin in one of the lockers there before heading over to my first class. All in all, school is pretty boring. The topics of conversation are either shallow, like whatever party may or may not have happened and the latest drama, or terrifying, like what we're going to do for our future.

I've submitted pre-screenings for conservatories around the country in early October, so nothing to worry about there, (prescreens are where they review videos of you playing and then narrow it down to the top applicants for live auditions), but I haven't decided whether or not I actually want to do that.

Make music for the rest of my life? Sounds dope

The constant competition that I will have to claw and fight my way through just to get a second glance? Less dope.

I also applied to the Oregon state schools (Ducks all the way), New York University, Boise State, San Diego State, and University of Washington, not that anyone was wondering.

I plop down in my seat and scroll through my Twitter as I have nothing better to do. I try to go through my classes to remember if I had any assignments due. Of course I would only think to do this my first Monday back, giving me absolutely no time to complete any assignments I may have. With that thought, I give up.

When it's finally lunch time, I head over to our somewhat designated table and take out my packed lunch. There are some freshmen nearby complaining about they can't leave campus during this period yet. I roll my eyes at them. CHS doesn't have much hierarchy when it comes to the class system.  No stereotypical senior jocks picking on the nerdy freshmen boys like you see in the movies. The school definitely feels cliquey, and we have some distinction between the popular people and, ahem, everyone else, but everybody kind of minds their own business. 

"Claire!! Did you hear about Alexis?" Lindsey says plopping herself down besides me. 

I guess I should correct myself. I try to mind my own business. It's a little difficult sometimes with Lindsey whispering the gossip in my ear like a devil on my shoulder.

"Of course I didn't hear about Alexis, I haven't spoken to you all day." 

She snorts. "Okay, okay, okay," She snorts again. "So," Insert a giggle "you're gonna die. It's funny." 

"Holy fucking shit just tell me dammit."

"Alexis has chlamydia." 

"No she does not.." I say in disbelief. "How do you know this?"

"Tyler slept with her and he got it. And he says he hasn't been with anyone else in weeks."

"And you believe him? Have you met Tyler?"

"It's true."

"He's not exactly the brightest..." I continue, "He probably didn't notice he had it. Because he's dumb."

"No dude. It's true. She had to go get tested and everything." She laughs. 

I grab a cookie from her lunch. "That's sad." 

"It's great! Thats what you get for being a whore!" 

"Linsdey, as a sexually promiscuous individual you should know better than to label a girl who enjoys sex as a whore." 

"Woah did you just call me a whore?"

"Oh, go fuck yourself." 

She picks up a tendril of my hair. "Your roots are coming in brown. You should probably get it touched up."

"Oh yeah?" 

"Yeah. But it's okay right now. Very chic."

"That can go fuck itself too." 

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iM BaCk BiTcHeS did u miss me lmao