Grey Street // H.S.

Chapter 36: "Staring out onto Grey Street."

There have been very few moments in my life when I've gone from one extreme to another. There have been very few moments when I've gone from so incredibly happy to so incredibly not so. None of those moments can compare to how I feel right now, hearing Matt say those words. Not even close.

Harry went back to England.

"He what?" I sort of choke on the words as I speak, thinking that it can't possibly be true. Maybe I just heard him wrong? Maybe I really am going crazy and Matt didn't actually say anything about Harry leaving and he's simply upstairs in his room, ignoring me.

"Umm," Matt stares at me, unsure of what to say. "Shit, I thought he would have told you. He left a few days ago, switched his flight."

"But he wasn't supposed to leave for another two weeks," I say, still not wanting to believe him.

Harry wasn't supposed to leave yet. We were still supposed to have two weeks left together. We had talked about it multiple times but now according to Matt he's gone, simple as that. I haven't had a chance to prepare myself for him leaving. I haven't had a chance to tell him that I'm sorry.

I haven't told him that I love him back.

"I know," Matt nods. "I'm not exactly sure what happened. He was so out of it that last few days, he wouldn't even speak to me about it. He told me he had to go but he wouldn't tell me why."

"Fuck," I sigh out loudly. That's all I'm able to get out at the moment, already feeling so lost. How could Harry leave?

"Look Elle, I don't expect you to tell me what happened and I'm not blaming it on you but after he came back from your walk last week he looked so... blank. Last time I saw you guys everything seemed normal, maybe even better than normal."

Matt really has no idea. To my surprise it seems as though Harry kept quiet about the whole thing. I can't explain it to Matt. I can't tell him it's my fault for Harry's sudden departure.

"He left something for you though," he turns his head, looking back into the house. "Let me go get it."

Even if Matt did invite me inside I don't think I would have been able to move. I feel numb. I feel as though if someone pushed me, even if it was gentle, I would fall right over not having enough control of my body to balance. My head is in a fog as I watch Matt, he blurs as he walks away from the door.

Harry's really gone. I can't just climb up the house and through the window and see him there sitting on the bed, writing in his book. He's not going to show up at Annie's with a smiling face while he waits for me to finish working. He's not going to be there the next time I fight with my mom and need someone to hug. He's really gone.

Matt returns minutes later with a white envelop in his hand. I see my name written on the top in the scratchy letters that I recognize as Harry's hand writing. "I meant to give this to you sooner," Matt hands me the envelope apologetically. "I've been really busy with packing though that I haven't had the chance."

My hand shakily reaches for the white paper, taking it from Matt. I try to say thank you but nothing comes out. I turn around to sit on the front steps of Matt's house and almost automatically forget that he's still there. I stare at the envelope for a few minutes, stare at my name that's written on it, and stare at the way Harry wrote Ellison right in the center. When I hear the door gently close behind me I realize Matt has left me to myself and I can't tell if I'm okay with that or not.

I put my thumb between the seal that holds the envelope together and slowly open it. I grab the papers that are hidden within, tossing the envelope to the side. Straightening out the folded papers on my lap I prepare myself to read what's scribbled on top.