Grey Street // H.S.

Chapter 32: Fade Into You

Over the years I have found that sometimes things fade into something different without even realizing it. While I knew Gerdy said her and Homer were getting married as soon as possible I didn't realize just how soon that really meant. But here we are, the end of August, sun shining brightly and five minutes away from Gerdy marrying the love of her life.

The last few weeks have seemed to mesh into one. Between work, Harry, and being extremely careful to avoid my parents I haven't had time to realize that time was even passing. In fact it didn't dawn on me that Gerdy was getting married today until last night when Harry asked if he should pick me up or meet me at the church.

It wasn't that I completely forgot about it. Gerdy has been asking me questions on what cake to get or what flowers she should have nonstop the last few weeks. It would have been impossible to completely forget about it.

"Elle," I hear the voice but it's faint so I'm not sure where it's coming from. "Ellison," I hear it again. Obviously it's Harry, considering he is the only one to call me that. Besides my mother occasionally and unless all of a sudden her voice became much deeper and manlier, I doubt it's her.

I turn around from where I'm standing, looking out the window of this old church. Down the long hallway I see Harry. His hair is pushed up, so it's slightly more contained than its usual curly mess. He's wearing a pressed button up shirt and tight black slacks. He looks as though he was just pulled out of a wedding catalog, which I guess it's fitting considering where we are. He waves to me and even though he's clear on the other side of this long hallway I can see him smiling.

I start to walk toward him and he meets me half way. The rooms all around us might be filled with people who are excited, or nervous, or whatever you feel at weddings. But in this long, poorly lit hallway in a church that has probably been here for as long as Brookings has been Brookings, there is just me and Harry.

"Hey," I look up at him.

"You do realize this is happening in two minutes, right?" he shakes his head at me. "And Elle, even though Gerdy could walk down that aisle without you, I don't think she wants to."

That's why he is here right now, to find me.

I wasn't exactly hiding, but I definitely should be at the entrance of the church, preparing to walk down the aisle and not by myself looking out a window. I know I have no reason to be nervous, I'm not the one getting married here, but I do. I feel nervous.

"Yeah," I blink, "yeah, shit sorry."

Harry's face goes from happy and teasing to extremely concerned within seconds. I should be used to this by now, but it still amazes me how he's able to know exactly how I'm feeling all of the time. "Are you okay?" he asks, moving his hand to my bare shoulder.

"Of course," I lie. I try to push away the anxious feelings in my stomach but I can't seem to do it. I feel terrible for being so selfish on Gerdy's day. The only thing I should be feeling is excited and happy for her.

"What is it?" he asks, not believing me.

I hesitate for a moment, trying to decide if I should talk to him about it or not. I don't like these moments of weakness within me. I used to be so good at hiding my emotions and putting on a brave face, or whatever, but it's hard to feel that same way with him. Especially when he stares at me like that, when he stares at me like I'm the only thing that matters.

"Do you think my parents are going to be here?" I spit it out before I can think any more about it.

I know they were invited. At least half of the town was invited to this. It's just, besides an occasional hello in the kitchen I haven't really seen my parents in the last few weeks. I haven't figured out how to face them.