Grey Street // H.S.

Chapter 34: "Your love, not enough."

For a brief time in my life I was a proud pet owner. It was when I was five and still living in Chicago. There was a stray cat that would walk by every day around four in the evening and I would watch it curiously through the window as I sat inside my house. My five year old self, not realizing what the result of it would be, started to leave food out for the cat every day. Pretty soon it no longer simply walked by, but found a permanent residence on our front step.

I named her Georgia. My parents were extremely reluctant to letting me keep her at first but I managed to convince them with a well thought out argument and my cute five year old voice. Looking back on it I'm shocked that they let me keep her for as long as I did.

I loved Georgia with every ounce of my small body. Unfortunately she didn't feel the same way. She tolerated my love but she stayed for the food. My five year old brain couldn't fully comprehend this but I knew at the time that my love for her wasn't reciprocated. The scratches down my arms and her resistance to being held only proved this.

She stuck around for a few months but then one day she was gone. She disappeared and I remember feeling heartbroken even though she never cared about me the way I cared about her. I could tell she wished she did. I could tell she wanted to love me, but it wasn't possible for her. I have a specific memory of her lying on the end of my bed and her looking up at me, letting out a soft 'meow' and I knew she was trying to say she was sorry for not loving me.

Maybe that's why she left? She didn't want to put me through the pain.

...

"So was it good then?" I ask, licking the fruity popsicle before the sticky juice runs down my hand.

The setting sun is shining in my eyes but the warmth feels nice on my skin, so I can't complain. We walk slowly next to each other down the street, our arms occasionally brushing against one another.

"Was what good?" Harry looks down at me, confused, licking his own popsicle.

Things have been a little off for us since the wedding a few days ago but I think we're both trying our best to get through it. I had dinner with Harry and Matt's family and after offering to help clean the dishes and being denied by Bonnie, Harry and I decided to go for a walk. He may have stolen the popsicles from the freezer before we left. He was very stealthy about it, even though I don't think anyone cared if we took them in the first place.

"The sex," I say like it's the most obvious thing in the world. Harry makes this funny coughing noise, almost choking on the air flowing into his lungs. "You know, with Lauren."

"Why do you ask that?"

I shrug my shoulders, taking another lick of the sweet popsicle. "Because, you obviously stayed with her for some reason... I bet she was killer in bed. I never knew the girl but from what you told me the other night that had to have been it, must have been really good for all the shit she put you through."

Harry starts laughing loudly and it surprises me that he doesn't drop the half eaten popsicle on the ground because of it. I have to stop walking to let Harry laugh to himself, crouching down and holding his knees. I stand in one place, staring at him and try to figure out why it's so funny.

"Oh, Elle," he snorts. "You are just so crude sometimes."

"What?" I smile. "It seems like a perfectly logical theory."

Harry shakes his head at me with his hands on his hips. If he wasn't still laughing a little I would think he looked like a disappointed parent, tapping his toe at me.

"It wasn't all bad," he starts walking forward.

"The sex?" I walk quickly to catch up with him. I can't stop the words from coming out of my mouth. God, why am I being so insistent with this?