Grey Street // H.S.

Chapter 12: Giant Squids

Jesus Christ, Elle. You rarely ever talk and the one time you decide to be Ms. Chatterbox you essentially rub it in Harry's face that his girlfriend died. Why couldn't have I just shut up and let him talk like I had planned?

"Shit," that's all that comes out of my mouth. Now I'm at a complete loss for words compared to a few minutes ago when I couldn't stop the words coming out of my mouth. How do you respond to something like that?

You don't. You just listen.

"Yeah," he breathes out roughly. "Her name was Lauren. It's still weird to say it like that... was."

Lauren. She was Harry's girlfriend and now she's dead.

"She was really something," Harry smiles for a moment, remembering her. "I chased after her for years. She had boys lined up at her door and she turned me down countless times. But I was like a lost puppy and I always went back to her, no matter how many times she denied me. She was a challenge and I was determined to be with her. When she finally agreed to go on a date with me I swear I didn't stop smiling for a week."

Harry continues to smile as he talks about her, reminiscing in the moments they spent together. Don't feel bad for him, don't feel bad for him. I repeat over and over in my head. That is the one thing Harry asked of me and I'm trying desperately to do it.

"She was beautiful and had dark blue eyes that I swear could see into your soul. Every guy wanted to be with her and after quite a lot of time of convincing she finally chose me. She didn't give a care in the world about what other people thought of her. You remind me of her in that way," he looks over at me, pausing for a moment. It almost makes me sick to think about it. "She had a look about her that was so sweet and innocent but on the inside there was this fire."

It's obvious to me that he isn't over this yet. But it's not like I can blame him. Having someone like it that in your life die would have to be traumatic

"It happened at the end of January. She was driving to see me and she lost control of her car. She ran into a tree going way faster than she should have been. That was a bad habit of hers. She was constantly getting pulled over but somehow always got out of the ticket. It split her car into two and she was gone on impact. I guess it was somewhat comforting knowing that it all happened at once and she didn't have to suffer but I felt like it was my fault. She was coming for me."

Holy shit.

Harry isn't crying but his voice cracks as he talks. I can tell he's trying to hold himself together. I don't know what I would do if he started crying so I'm glad he hasn't completely broken down. Part of me though wants to tell him that he doesn't have to hold it in, even if it makes me uncomfortable.

"We had been together for six months two weeks and three days and then suddenly it was over. You can't prepare yourself for something like that. You can't even begin to imagine how suddenly someone can be ripped out of your life."

I've never had someone close to me die. All of my grandparents are still alive, very old, but alive and even if they had I don't think I could compare it to Harry's scenario.

I remember when I was about seven one of my mom's cousins died. I didn't really know him, I had only met him twice in my life before he passed, but I remember my mom being devastated. We went to Illinois where the majority of my extended family lives for the funeral. His name was Cory and he was a little younger than my mom. My mom told me that they grew up together and then I remember her breaking down and crying loudly in front of me. I didn't know what to do because I was only seven years old. So I just held her and let her cry.

"After it happened I barely left my bedroom for a month. If I wasn't sleeping I was just sitting there. staring at the wall. My mind couldn't process what was going on. My mum finally convinced me to go see someone so I could talk about everything that was going through my head. So that's what I did. Twice a week since March I have been seeing Dr. Wells. She's this middle aged woman with an incredibly annoying voice and I hated talking to her at first. But then it started really helping and I started to feel like my old self again."