I Know What Sin Is

Prologue - Ben

I Know What Sin Is

Breathe. One. Two. Three.

Stop racing, heart. Don't you cause me enough trouble?

"Hey!" Sarah yelled at me. "Yoo-hoo. Ben. Are you gonna help me or am I carrying all this shit by myself?"

I turned, trying to snap out of it. It being staring up at the large, intimidating-as-fuck dorm building that was about to be my home for the next two years.

Or, you know, at least until I could figure out something better to do with my life.

"Coming," I muttered.

"What's wrong with you today?" my best friend asked as I walked back to my impala, where she was wrestling a suitcase of my belongings out of the backseat.

"Just, uh... mini panic attack. You know." I exhaled slowly.

She ignored me and gripped my arm excitedly as I joined her. "Oh my god, I can't believe this is happening. Like, we're finally here. After all these years." She tucked a strand of her sky-blue hair behind her ear. "Man, I wish we could room together."

I forced a strained smile. Going off to college had always been Sarah's dream, not mine. I just sort of went along with it, the same way I went along with all of her ideas.

Since before middle school, Sarah had been my guiding light. Some days I didn't think I could have managed to feed myself without her. She and her mom moved into my apartment building when we were both in second grade, and just like that, we'd become best friends.

Extremely exclusive best friends.

If Sarah had her way, I probably would never talk to another soul besides her again.

"Well just get me a wig and some 5SOS posters and they'll probably let us," I joked as we walked up the front steps.

She punched my shoulder. "Shut up. I bet you're gonna get a girlfriend within the week and then you won't have time to hang out with me anymore." For the near-decade that I'd known her, the dating rumors and encouragements had existed. Even Sarah's mom, Andrea, said that we'd make a cute couple in seventh grade.

When we were really little, Sarah and I talked about Andrea marrying my dad, so we could be brother and sister. But that was before we saw my father for the scumbag he was and just wanted to get as far away from him as possible.

Guess that was happening for me now.

I opened the door for her like any true gentleman and we headed up even more stairs to my floor. It was the highest one and while I considered myself to be in good shape the climb was definitely something I'd have to get used to. I had expected to have to shove my way through a bunch of slow kids and their parents all moving in, but the hall was empty except for a tall, muscular shirtless dude walking in the opposite direction. He made sure to glance Sarah up and down as he passed us. She pretended not to notice, but walked a little closer to me.

"Ugh. I knew I didn't want to come up here," she muttered, bumping into my shoulder once he'd turned the corner.

"What?" I laughed. "Didn't you want to get a boyfriend within the week?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well, not some guy like that. Maybe like a quiet emo kid with some cool piercings."

"Oh, of course," I said, mocking her dreamy tone. "His red eyes will be well hidden by the long strands of greasy black hair falling in front of his stunning pepperoni pizza face... the two hairs of mustache he tried to grow will tickle against your rosy lips as you lean in..."