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it's been about a week since the night of the meeting, where things got serious, where others realized that this is real, and that they'll have to change—because this world is changing as well.
rick and a lot of the others are gearing up to go outside and direct the new threat—the herd. i know i should be scared—or somewhat anxious, but i'm not really. most of my group members will be out there, michonne, rick, sasha, abraham, glenn, and daryl. they know how to handle theirselves, we're all experienced with that world, so i know that they'll be just fine.
i sat at the kitchen counter with the kids, carl, lola, and judith. i held my toddler while me and the kids were in a deep conversation about our memories of survival, reminiscing. it's weird to think how all of it just kinda zoomed by in a flash. i remember when lori gave birth to judith in that pipe room, when the night of the farm happened, when we were forced to abandon the prison. all of it.
"remember when we were gearing up for war with the governor and you were drinking almost all the water so i had to slap it out of your hand?" lola reminisced with a laugh as she braided a small section of her hair. huh, i remember that like it was yesterday.
"yeah and you splashed water all over us and lectured me." carl replied with an eye roll, a smile etching it's way out. all of us laughed together, man i remember how crazy that day was.
"what are you guys laughin' about?" rick questions curiously as he walks into the kitchen, sliding on his black belt with his holster attached. i chuckle and give him a quick peck on the lips, "oh nothing—you weren't there, you were having a meeting with the governor and we were all loading up the guns when lola splashed water all over her and carl." i explain to him, and he laughs.
"eh—it wasn't too long ago, and it still feels like last week." rick says as he strokes judith's head gently, giving her a loving smile. he moves on to lola and carl, and gives them both a kiss on the forehead. it made my heart warm, seeing how loving he was to the two, it made me genuinely happy.
just after kissing carl's forehead rick sighs with exasperation, taking a couple steps back, "hey kids—mind if i speak to nikki for a sec?" the kids nod in understanding, and lola takes judith out of my arms before exiting with her and carl, leaving me and rick. i was curious on what he had to say, just a goodbye maybe?
rick goes around the counter and stands in front of me, stroking my cheek softly. dammit, now it's starting to come to me, the anxiety that rick's gonna have to go out with a herd and control it.
"i need you to watch over the kids—and in able to do that i need you to help protect this community while me and the others are out there. they know you're my wife, they'll listen. okay?" he says in a soft tone, but it was easy to tell he was demanding on this—and i could tell this was important to him.
my breathing became calmer as i controlled them slowly, he's right, ricks right. i gotta do this—i have to protect these kids, and help protect this community as best i can while him and the others are gone.
i look up at his anxious face and nod, "yeah, okay. i'll try my best with the community—but just know handling the kids is my main concern."
"and that's fine." he replies, softly brushing his fingers against my cheek, his caring eyes looking down at mine, "that's my main concern back here too—you and the kids. you take care of them first before anything, i just need you to try your best at helping this place with anything. like i said you're my wife, they'll listen i'm sure of it."
i nod at his reply, "okay." i say, wrapping my arms tight around his waist, burying my face into his clothed chest. we were in that position hugging for awhile before his hands reached up and cupped my face—where i was back staring into his eyes.
"you got this." he pecks me on the forehead with his lips, "i love you." before proceeding to plant a long kiss on my lips. when he pulled away it felt like something was ripped from me, i didn't want our goodbye to be like this.
"i love you too." i reply as he walked away, my hands slipping from his. he turns the doorknob and pulls the door open, rick stood before looking back at me—giving a hopeful smirk before eventually leaving the house, shutting the door behind him.
there i stood in the lonesome kitchen of my house, twisting my wedding ring rick gave me up and down on my finger. i felt like crying, but no tears came. i gotta be strong for the kids, i gotta believe and trust rick and the others that they're gonna make it out of this. i have to.
