His Gold ✓

19| The wreck

    "I was drinking pretty heavily, the night of the party. That's where I went wrong, first.

     She told me not to go. Meghan wanted to- she wanted to- well, you know. She wanted to do it. And, for some reason, I just couldn't that night.

    I argued with her. Gosh I said things I don't remember, and things I wish I couldn't remember.

     I grabbed my keys and disappeared from the party. I guess I had intentions, but I don't remember what they were. There's so much I don't remember.

    I do know that it was late- so late I knew I couldn't call Anson for a ride. And I knew that night, he was with Indie. It was Thanksgiving, after all.

    And I was alone.

    I bragged about that party. I bragged the hell out of it, all the days leading up to it. But, if I could've been somewhere else, somewhere I was valued, that's were I would've been.

    But instead I was out of my mind and I got behind the wheel of a car. I guess I had a feeling I couldn't operate it, because I took the backroad home. I never do that- but I thought if I drove through town- I'd be busted for sure.

   The backroads were foggy and overgrown. I was already too far in when I realized I wasn't going to make it out in one piece. But I was past the point of reason.

    I didn't stop. Hell, I think I gassed it.

    Then it was just- no more smooth sailing. I was on a rollercoaster. Rolling.

    It hurt. I don't know which part. I just know it hurt. I saw red, and then I saw nothing. And the worst part? No one on the planet knew where I was.

    No one even knew to look for me.

    Do you know what that's like? To realize you could've slipped away and no one would even realize?

     Needless to say, I'm never touching alcohol again."

     Bryce's words tug at my heart, threatening to break the strings. The loss of feeling, the loneliness, the emptiness...

    All I can do is clutch his hand and let his words settle against me. His eyes are dark as they take in my expression.

"Are you okay?" My voice is a whisper. I scoot closer to him.

He nods.

I wonder if it's hard to relive your darkest hour like he's just done? I wouldn't know. I run from reliving mine.

    "You're brave." My voice is weak. He looks surprised by what I say. So, I keep saying, "I wish I was brave, like you, Bryce."

    I notice that he's closer to my face. I shake my head. "I can't let myself be stuck in an elevator without being terrified."

    I could drown in my disappointment. I should be better than this. Why is it so hard for me?

    "Caroline, you are brave." He assures me, "But it's also okay to be scared."

    "But I don't want to be."

    I want to be free from fear.

    "No one wants to be scared. But it's okay if you are."

I relax, resting my head on his shoulder with a breath. He tilts his chin down, watching me though his lashes.

   "I don't like small spaces." I mumble. Bryce smoothes his hand over my hair.