Not Giving Up

Panic

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Keith's heart stopped. Softly he whispers, "Yes. *gulp* We did. (Pause) Did...um... you...(longer pause) change your mind?" Internally, Keith isn't even sure how he forced the words out. What if she realized he wasn't worth her love?! What if she realized that this wasn't real. It was some cosmic mistake, that he wasn't it for her? What if he didn't make her feel all the stuff that she did for him? His heart actually hurt and he could feel his muscles tensing like he was getting ready for impact, except there was no preparation for this kind of hurt.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. What if he never got to hold her like this, smell her hair, have his legs entangled with hers. He honestly didn't know what he would do, or even could do. How he could face that ugly truth? His heart rate was increasing and he was trying so hard to keep his breathing steady. He swore to himself, he would do whatever it took to make her happy. No matter what.

Mind racing, he quickly thought maybe, just maybe, he could change her mind! Maybe he could change, or if she wasn't sure, he could work with that. He knew he was annoying her with his jealousy and hovering over the last few weeks. Shit. What if, what if, *mind flashing to Griffin and her laughing as he walked into the hangar* she realized she wanted Griffin. Keith knew he couldn't stomach that! He'd have to leave. Fuck. FUCK!!!

Suddenly, he feels Pidge's hand on his cheek turning his face towards her. "Keith! Pidge to Keith. Stop!!!! Stop whatever illogical train of thought you jumped on, just get off and listen to me." Her voice is soft but still commands his attention.

Keith refocuses on her amber eyes and nods slowly. Pidge tentatively smiled, "Okay, I love you. And that has not changed, at ALL. But, I've been thinking, and I just realized that... this is it for me. Like no one else can ever take your place - level of love. Like you matter and I don't want to go even one day not seeing your face. Like...I'm ready to put up with your moody days, take care of you when you're sick and make it my personal mission to make you laugh. (Pause) Like I **voice drops to a whisper ** want to marry you and someday have your kids level of love...I, guess I just wanted you to know. I'm all in."

Keith stared at her, turning the words over in his head, making sure he understood what she was saying and he was clear on the meaning. He dived forward, pushing her on her back, squeezing her tight, causing her to giggle. "Don't-Ever-Do-That to me again! You...I...shit Pidge, I was freaking out that you changed your mind and didn't love me."

Pidge smiled, "I'm sorry, **kisses his nose** I didn't mean to. I just wanted you to realize what I just did. So um, maybe, you could, tell me if that's what you see for us too? That it wasn't just some strange vision you saw in outer space, cuz I want it all, marriage, babies, career...war won. You. Me. Forever."

Keith nods, "Yeah I'm all in. And if we are being honest, since I got back, I quickly realized this exact fact. I just didn't want to scare you off. Shit it took me a while just to get you to be open to dating me again. But I've gotta be honest too. Have you considered that maybe...just, that, we or I specifically, can't have kids with you? I'm not fully human and as a scientist, you know that, well I'm essentially a hybrid and no one knows what that really means. As far as babies. And I really don't want to hold you back, because honestly, you'd be an amazing mom."

Pidge nestles closer, and scoffs, "Yeah, I've thought of it. But whatever happens in our future, if we are always just a we, but together, I'll take it, and I know we can handle it. We could adopt, foster, not have kids honestly I just needed to know you felt the same way. I don't want to be the girl who warmed you up and taught you everything just for you to leave me and marry some other chick!" As she ends her statement she tries to tickle his side.

Keith kisses her sweetly, ending with some Eskimo kisses. "Honestly, I don't think I ever thought I'd find someone who I could see being with forever. It was just me for so long, and I convinced myself that I liked it. Then you were my teammate, my friend, and then so much more. Katie, I love you so much. I want you to be my wife and partner for life too."

Both hold on to each other, just basking in their connection. It was different than when they were in the lions but special all the same. Keith whispers, I have to go to the bathroom causing Pidge to laugh. She lets him go and teases him about his timing and small bladder. Keith just shakes his head as he goes to the bathroom, softly closing the door. He looks at his reflection in the mirror and stares at the man looking back at him. He almost doesn't recognize himself and he thinks back to before they left.

****Flashback****

Keith was getting the last few things in his bag before they were scheduled to leave. He looked around his room, hoping that this will be the last time he has to stay here. It's pretty bare, with nothing personal left. It's really just been a pit stop and then he thinks to Pidge's room where he's been spending most of his time. Maybe upon their return they will be living together.

Absently, he flips open the ring box he had taken to carrying around in his pocket and stares at the ring. It wasn't anything big or flashy, Pidge would never like that. Instead he got a white gold ring with a rose gold vine, circling an emerald cut emerald. He thought it was fitting for his girl. He smiled, his girl, that would never get old.

There was a knock and the door quickly swung open. Mr. Holt stepped in followed by Matt, Shiro and Mrs. Holt. Unfortunately Mr. Holt stopped the minute he saw the ring in Keith's hand so everyone bumped into each other. Keith took a deep breath. Here goes nothing.

"Good you are all here. Please come in and close the door. I asked you here not to ask your permission because let's face it Pidge would be upset, if I asked you for permission. Instead, I just wanted to let you know, that I love her. So so much. And it's my intention to get her to love me enough to take a chance and marry me. So, um, here's the ring I got her. And if I think there's a chance she will say yes, I'm going to ask her. I, uh, just wanted to let you know."

Silence.

Dead silence.

Keith was starting to worry when Mrs. Holt stepped forward and hugged him. Tight. Then she whispered, "Okay, thanks for letting me know. Please remind Katie to call me after she says yes."

Keith smiled and relaxed. Then Mrs. Holt added, "You should really let your mom know too."

Keith nodded, "I planned on telling her today as well. Thanks."

Keith looked over to see Matt handing Shiro some money. He arched a brow and Matt laughed, "Sorry, I thought you were going to say you need a fake marriage to go on the ship and Shiro here figured you wouldn't beat around the bush and really ask her."

Keith interjects, "I haven't asked her yet!"

Both men say, "You will, you won't be able to help it."

Keith turns to Mr. Holt who is standing next to his wife, looking shell shocked. "Sir?"

"Oh yes, um, okay. *pushes his glasses up* I understand. I mean Colleen said this was coming but, but no need to rush things though...right?"

Keith looked blankly, causing some laughs when Shiro says, "She's not having a baby right?"

Keith shakes his head no. Then realizes what they meant. "Oh, NO, sir, nothing like that." His face is so hot right now. He rubs his hands over his face, oh man.

Mrs. Holt smiles and gives him another hug, "You'll do. Now, take care of my girl up there, ok?"

Keith nods solemnly, "Always."

****Present time****

Keith looks up in the mirror, he's going to do it. He's going to ask her now. The moment feels right. He pulls his pants off the hook in the closet and takes the ring out. He paces the bathroom trying to settle and finally opens the ring box and takes a deep breath. She loves him, him! He smiles and reaches for the door and freezes. What is he going to say??