Beautiful Pain

Dödsolycka

// Ella Fitzgerald :: Blue Skies//

September 23, 2013 started just like any other day. The only difference was that both boys had the day off. It was strange for JiMin to get a Monday off at the Theatre. It still wasn't a complete day off. He wanted to spend at least a couple hours at the studio this morning, but it left plenty of time for the two to be together. TaeHyung's classes had been cancelled for various reasons, and his next shift wasn't until Wednesday. JiMin even offered for TaeHyung to spend time with him in the studio. TaeHyung accepted the offer. He didn't want to waste any minute of JiMin's free time.

The two boys stood in the living room, watching the sun rise between a few buildings on the other side of the park. Below them, joggers had started their day. Business men rushed with coffees in their hands, mothers took their children to school. Everyone was busy in the city, except the two boys who watched from above. JiMin's head rested on TaeHyung's shoulder, well his arm mostly due to the height difference. Neither knew it, but they were both daydreaming of being the people they saw below. They dreamed of rushing to work, holding the hands of their children. They dreamed of making breakfast on hectic mornings. They dreamed boldly, both imagining their future together in secret. TaeHyung sighed, a slight smile making its way to his face as he thought about JiMin helping a little girl with homework. He didn't know why it was a little girl; it just seemed to fit.

TaeHyung handed JiMin the cup of tea they shared. JiMin took it carefully, sipping softly. TaeHyung had put on a record earlier. It had originally been a Nat King Cole album, but JiMin changed it out. He said that it was too slow for the morning, he needed something peppy. TaeHyung had argued that Nat King Cole was peppy, but lost out for an Ella Fitzgerald record instead. TaeHyung had the suspicion that it wasn't the mood the music had created, but rather that JiMin liked Ella better. He let it go however, and soon the two were enveloped in her mesmerizing vocals. TaeHyung had to admit that the feeling the day was giving him resounded in her voice and amplified in the room. It was nice. It was peaceful. It was relaxing.

All the days are hurryin' by when you're in love, my how they fly. 

When the clock on the wall finally read 7:15, JiMin straightened. This was the latest he had stayed home in a long time. Usually he had already been in the studio for an hour by now. It made him feel lazy, and prodding deep into his mind came the thoughts that ate him alive. If he didn't practice and stick to the schedule, he would be replaced. The thoughts burst through his happy daydreaming, spreading like a virus until he felt as though he couldn't stand still any longer. Of course, these were absurd thoughts. Dancers need days off so their body can recover and rest. It was needed to stay healthy, which is why he was told not to come to the Theatre after 13 days straight of dancing. He was practically banned until the next morning. JiMin wasn't healthy, however. Physically, maybe, but mentally he was unwell. The intrusive thoughts that he wasn't good enough to continue the career he had chosen drove him mad. It made him wake before the sun and rest once it set again, it made him dance for hours without breaks, and it made him sick to think of eating anything more than exactly 950 calories. The sickness didn't lie in his drive to do well, it lied deeper within him. It hid between various memories and slithered around inadequacy that had built within him for years. It was dangerous. The sickness rendered him incapable to remaining content in the moment with TaeHyung. 

Blue days all of them gone. Nothin' but blue skies from now on.

"We should get going." JiMin said softly, breaking TaeHyung out of his make believe world. TaeHyung nodded, quickly drinking the last bit of his tea that JiMin had handed back. The younger boy got ready quickly, packing a backpack of clothing so they could leave the studio and go directly into their date. TaeHyung watched JiMin dance in silence. The boy was mixing together movements he had to learn for work and made up master pieces he created in his mind. He switched between styles of dance effortlessly. Ballet to Ballroom, Contemporary to Street. No matter the kind, it looked amazing. Practice to JiMin did not always mean repeating the same thing over and over. Sometimes it meant remembering what dance is truly about. He knew the motions, but needed to practice portraying the emotions. He decided to stop a few minutes after eleven. He grabbed his clothing, and headed to the changing rooms to clean off.